Everyday

I had to look this up.  Everyday as one word means common while every day is literal.  I think this distinction is pretty cool.

Today is a special day and I was inspired by Zahra to write this.  It’s not great writing, but I want to come back to read this and remember how I was feeling when I wrote this.

—

Every Day is Everyday

The sunrises Everyday

The stars are in the sky Everyday

We make memories Everyday

Let the memories hold on to you Every Day

It’s hard, we’re just pathetic humans

Still,

Every Day is Everyday

— 

Taher, the sun rises every day.  Not just on vacation; it is literally everyday.

Panera

Panera keeps giving!  I’m enjoying some relaxing time at Panera today. A week ago we were knee deep in Ashara planning, ITS that wouldn’t cooperate and was seriously frustrating, and complicated logistics. Stress was all around. It was damn near impossible to be calm. I knew it would all work out eventually. It always seems to. It was hard to remember that and it was so hard to reassure others. 

We got a good reminder yesterday in misaq and waaz. A part of the waaz that really stayed with me was just have baroso. You’ve got the main and important stuff, don’t worry. The misaq reinforced this Khuda koy ne aape koy ne na aape. Khuda koy ne uncha kare koy ne neecha kare. Don’t worry. And ends with Mubarak. You have this oath and you’ve made it. 

Today I’m enjoying some time at Panera. Just after I entered a dad came in with his one year old. The kids was in adorable. He was in the phase where he could walk and really couldn’t talk yet. The Panera employee saw this cute kid and gave him a cookie. He was so excited!!!  The cookie was about the size of his face!😁. A little while later an old guy with a walker was getting coffee. I was able to hold his coffee and the door so he could navigate getting out without spilling. Just now I saw some guy hold the door for someone else that was holding a bunch of stuff. It was great. It was a small thing. 

Taher, notice the small things at Panera. Taher, let the little things pile up. 

Never know

I didn’t write this, but I’ve begun to appreciate it very much. It is very poetic and stands up very well without music. I want to come back and read later. 

—-

We're breaking and rebuilding
And we're growing, always guessing

Never knowing
Shocking but we're nothing
We're just moments
We're clever but we're clueless
We're just human
Amusing and confusing
We're trying but where is this all leading
We'll never know

It all happened so much faster than you could say disaster
Wanna take a time-lapse and look at it backwards from the last one
And maybe that's just the answer that we're after
But after all we're just a bubble in a boiling pot
Just one breath in a chain of thought
The moments just combusting
Feel certain but we'll never, never know
Sure seems the same

—-

Taher, remember that you never know. Leave a margin for what’s important. Be the early bird. 

Pina Colada

I've always associated the Pina Colada song (I think it's called Escape) with vacation.  It's a rather silly song.  It's about a guy who's bored with his marriage and puts out a personal ad.  He puts out the ad with all the things he wants.  He gets a response and plans to meet up with the woman.  In a twist, his wife answers the ad.  She's all the things he wants.  

This song is silly, but it is not a vacation song.  It's good to hear on vacation though.  Seems like it's easier to think about what you want while on vacation.  The guy in this song didn't realize he already had everything he wanted.  It's not about wanting something else, it's about wanting what you've got.

Taher, when you hear this song let it be a reminder to you that you already have everything you want.  Don't just listen to this song on vacation.

Birdbath

This morning, I was eating breakfast and looking out over the backyard and trees as I often do.  Today was a rainy morning and there was a bird bathing in a puddle.  I could tell it wasn’t thinking more than 5 seconds in the future.  It was just doing wazu and enjoying the puddle.  It would submerge half its body and then shake off the water.  There was nothing special about this bird.  It was smallish and boring mix of brown colors.

The bird was just doing it’s thing and was totally in the moment.  It didn’t seem to think about where it’s next meal would come from or what it would be doing later.  It was just doing wazu.

Taher, don’t worry about all the things.  Be like the bird and just do your thing.

Frame

Our mindset can determine our actions.  That's why it's so important.  Stuff happens and that's unavoidable.  We have the ability to respond and not react to stuff.

What is the right response?  It's almost never frustration.  That's a reaction.  A more useful response is probably passion.  Framing the situation is key.  Passion is almost always positive.  I think of a cool word I learned a while back, equanimity. This basically means ability to remain calm.  Being calm seems to almost never be a bad thing.

Frustration is inevitable.  It can be expressed like a toddler, suppressed, expressed as passion, or something more difficult like being calm.  

The positive part is up to us.   That's the mindset piece.  It's important that your actions follow your niyat.  Your actions won't be 100% positive, but cut yourself some slack Taher.  

Taher, be clear what you want your mindset to be. Your niyat can be 100%.

Faith

The other day I heard a family kid relay some wrong information. For some reason, I felt compelled to correct her. I somehow assumed the role of elder😅

She said, “my friend in Jamea said this”. I responded, “still wrong”. She turned to her friend and said what I was saying made more sense. I saw her grow in that moment.

I also thought about my place. It’s not only student and not only to listen. Listening should very regularly be the majority, but not always. I thought about this thing I corrected probably way more than anyone else. I felt compelled to find them the next day and explain a bit more and to leave them with a thought to think more and not just take my word for it. 

This whole thing made me wonder about reason. It’s a critical part of faith I think. You have to accept something without understanding so that you can apply reason. It sounds contradictory, but it’s not. More simply, “to see reality, we must focus on the unseen and unproven”

I don’t understand, but this seems to be vital to happiness. 

Taher, reason requires faith. 

Bees and Naseeb

I recently heard something I want to remember and connect to other stuff I've learned.

"Appreciate the bees, not just the honey"

Moula says mud makhi na misal bano (become like the bee).  Another layer of this became apparent to me.  The bee produces the honey and is a worker.  There are lots of steps in between that don't produce honey.  The bee doesn't care. The "steps" good and bad are written.  They will come.

Recently, I was questioning my place and ability to affect, well anything.  My question was me thinking about my place and asking generally, "Who am I to change anything?".  I was thinking basically why do anything.  My premise was je naseeb ma che tho naseeb ma che (what is written is written).

I got a response that was indirect, but it made me think and satisfied my questioning.  Basically, the response was your premise is correct.  However, when you're hungry you don't just stand under the apple tree and wait for the apple to fall in your mouth.  You put in effort, you water the tree, you nurture the tree, and you eventually pick the apple. Then you eat it.  The effort is part of it; it's essential.  It is written, but what is written isn't based on what you perceive has already happened.

Taher, the bee doesn't care.  Appreciate all of it.

Reason

I've been thinking about incentives.  Specifically, incentive to be kind.  

It doesn't make any rationale sense to be kind sometimes.  There are situations where it just feels right to be kind for no reason.  It doesn't make sense, but it just feels right.  Why?  I don't know.  Does it matter? Other people see. 

Sometimes there's kindness with no hope.  Like taking care of a parent near the end. There is no incentive. But it just feels right. There’s something indirect and undeserved. 

Taher, be kind because it feels right.  It'll come back eventually and you won't ever understand.

Mean something

I again rewatched one of my favorite movies. The dialogue is great. Whole sections just get by me. This gem got by me until now. 

“ 

Love has to mean something. Maybe it means something more, something we can’t yet understand.

Maybe we should trust that if we can’t understand.

“

This reminds me of possibly my favorite thing Moula says. It’s my favorite until I understand more 😁. “wa lad deen ilul hoob”. There is no deen without love. He usually says it three times to emphasize its importance. Love means something. We should trust it. 

Taher, if it’s borne of love then do it. Taher, make it mean something. 

Lessons

Dad was teaching me again tonight. Tonight the Burhani Guards had a darees. In addition to having a darees, they raised money to give a few lucky people a ticket to Karbala to do ziyarat. Dad is naseeb and he was chosen. Wow!  His immediate response was to donate it to someone who hasn’t not been yet. So generous. 

Later that night I just wanted to get home. I was almost out the door to discover that someone had taken my shoes. I was so ready to leave and I looked all over for ten minutes looking for them. Then I remembered dad a few years ago in London took his shoes off at a masjid entrance at a miqaat with Moula. He just took them off and left them. He didn’t care. He had stuff to do at masjid.  I remembered his attitude. They’ll be here or they won’t. He couldn’t care less. So baller. 

Taher, they’re just shoes. 

Bird

The early bird gets the worm.

There's a lot to unpack there.  The early bird gets the worm...sometimes, might be a better way to think about this.  There's only so much in your control and then the rest is just being patient.  The early bird is in position because it's early.  The worm so to speak isn't always early though.  The "early bird" is just prepared for what is important, "the worm".

The rest is just patience.  There's so much you can't do.  Recognizing that leads to patience.  Perhaps a better example is catching a train.  Getting to the station is only partly in your control.  Once you get to the platform the train will come when it comes.  The best you can do is be there and wait.

This phrase is about knowing what's important.  However, it is more about being patient, I think.  The "worm" will comes when it comes.  The waiting with confidence is the hard part.  This leads to the "worm" every time.

Taher, be the early bird.

Wise words

These are someone else’s words. It’s a simple phrase, but so wise. 

"Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue."

Whatever is said can’t be unsaid. It’s so simple, but not easy. Think before you speak. Think before you do anything really. 

Taher, choose your words carefully and deliberately.  

Memories

I am on vacation again. Alhamdolillah. I saw one of my favorite movies again first thing. It immediately put me in the right headspace. 

It has a line I must have missed the first many times. “Now, we're just here to be memories for our kids.”

This vacation is to make more memories. Mostly good ones I hope. The right memories too. The ones about spending time together and doing things that don’t necessarily cost money and don’t only happen on vacation. Sometimes that means deeni memories. 

It’s day 0.25 and already there are some great memories. I did namaz when it was inconvenient not just for me, but for them to see too. 

Yusuf’s 1st meal in was a memory that makes me so proud. He was super hungry with a plate of food in front of him and decided to go 10 minutes back to the room to get his topi even after I told him it was ok and he should bring it next time. 

Zahra is setting a great example for Nooriya wearing rida everywhere and living her life. The chef saw us and told us what was halal and importantly what has questionable ingredients we should stay away from.  Nooriya chose her outfits and they’re all rida. We’re on a boat with no one we know. She could “take a break”, but she’s not. She’s choosing rida when so many on this boat chose a lot less modestly. I’m so proud of them both. 

I’m so proud of all three. 

Taher, when you do something or anything think to yourself, “will you be proud of the kind of memory is this going to be.”

Easy

Forgiveness is hard.  It's easier to write someone off or some group off.  They did this or that unforgivable thing.  They may have done something big like stealing or something small like interrupting.  They said something mean.  They did something mean.  They even did it on purpose.  

So what?

The easy thing to do is not forgive and remember.  Perhaps it might be easier to write them off.  And perhaps even cast them out.  Maybe they are repeat offenders and the easy thing to do is think, "this is the last straw". 

Moula teaches us that forgiveness is the thing to do.  His response to the worst transgression imaginable was to say my father taught me to forgive.  Pacha laywe.  Me gala lagiwees. This is powerful.  His response is basically bring him here and I'll give him a hug.  What?!

Taher, don't do the easy thing.  Forgive and forget.  It's for you.  Follow Moula's example.

Give

Khuda gives us 40 and we give 1 back to him.  Khuda can do literally anything.  Why didn't we just get 39?

There's a lot to this 1 of 40.  The numbers aren't really that important.  We can count it up and put it in different buckets and get to some other numbers.   An important part is the giving is up to us.  We get to choose to give just like we get to choose to do namaz or any other good thing.

Giving isn't just money.  It's trust.  It's love.  It's happiness.  It's opportunity.  It's kindness.

Money does seem like the hardest to give.  It gets easier to give money the more you do it.  It's hard every time though.  Giving is easier when we internalize that money isn't ours to begin with.  Khuda gives it to us.

The thing is that giving to good things always comes back to the giver.  It's hardest with money because it's not necessarily a straight line or even observable, but it always does come back.

Taher, giving money is hard.  Do it.  It will come back to you.

Abundance

Two focuses things this Ramadan.  Lots of time after fajr :)

I also want to focus on abundance.  It's plenty adjacent.  There's a concept that we have an "abundance set point".  It's pretty cool.  It's our brain realizing what is enough.  We get to establish that baseline.  If we can get there, we have a good chance of being happy.

What's really cool is that we can shift this point in our mind.  A positive mind-set inherently believes there's plenty to go around and lowers this "set point".  It's not a coincidence that optimists are happier and live longer.  With this mindset, experiences are fuller and opportunities are perceived differently.  Not much is truly in our control, but this is.

An abundance mind set is more than just being optimistic, though that's certainly part of it.  It is believing that there is enough for everyone and helping others to see that.  It is understanding that there's endless opportunities.  Let rozu remind you that khuda is capable of giving you and everyone endless rewards.

Taher, you are at this abundance point now.  Just get your brain to catch up by helping others see that too.

Plenty

Every year in Ramadan I try to focus on one thing. This year it’s abundance.  Roza will help remind me that I have a lot.  Having a lot isn't bad, but having too much is.

I think this is an economics idea at it's root.  The idea is called the Paradox of Plenty.  It's basically when a country with a lot of resources has a worse economic outcome than those countries with few resources.  The basic idea is that a country with a lot doesn't develop organically and this is referred to as the "resource curse".  

The idea of Paradox of Plenty seems to apply much more broadly.  It is the restlessness that comes with too much choice.  It creates the illusion of control.  It seems logical that the more we have and can decide would translate into more empowerment and more control of our environment.  That's not right.  Stuff happens, both good and bad, and you can't control it. Stoicism ties in here I think.  A tenet of stoicism is understanding that things around you will happen and they're supposed to.  You control your mind and nothing else.

Taher, be content without plenty.  Being content isn't settling for less.  Rather it's realizing what you have.

Door

I've been working for a while now and it amazes me now that sometimes the value I bring is just being there.  It's nice to be valued, but it still seems strange.  I've had a colleague who liked to say, "Change is inevitable.  Progress is optional".  This value from little other than experience is a change.  It's progress.

I've been a parent for a while now too.  I don't always feel valued by the kids:)  It might come later, but it's not really important.  Things are definitely changing though.  I think we've all heard something like when one door closes a window opens or some annoying bright-side-of-every-situation-type phrase.

Things are changing.  The kids are changing.  Not all at once, but they've entered this new stage.  They're older.  Nooriya is learning to drive.  I get to teach her:)  She's so excited.  It's wonderful.  My value is simply being the passenger.  I don't really do anything.  Last night Yusuf went out to a friend's house after Zahra and I went to bed.  My value will be to simply be here and listen to him tell me about something from his night.

Tonight Zahra and I are going out and the kids have their own separate plans.  It's not the first time, but things are definitely changing.  It's becoming more normal.  Another door is closing...

Taher, things are changing.  They will change again.  Taher, choose progress.

High School

I went back to my high school to see Nooriya’s gymnastics meet. It has been 25 years since I was in that building. A lot is different there, but it still brought back a lot of memories. There is stuff I remember that I didn’t even realize I remember. 

I don’t remember high school as the best time. Actually, thinking of high school as being the best time of your life is kinda sad.  It was complicated like I’m guessing it is for everyone. I wasn’t the sports guy. I wasn’t the smartest usually. I wasn’t the most popular or the most talented either. 

Somehow I was nice to people most of the time and that worked really well. I definitely didn’t have it figured out. I couldn’t articulate it. I wasn’t just kinda lucky that I was nice to people. 

Until today I didn’t really realize that I was nice and kind then and that was the reason high school was as good as it was. I can articulate it now. Being nice and kind works at this age and I’m glad I can articulate it now and strive for it. 

Taher, be nice and kind. It will probably still work in 25 years. 

Small

Life can be rough.  Duniya kind of stinks.  Stuff happens all the time that sucks.  It is easy to focus on that.

Everyday, though, there are all these little moments of joy or happiness.  These moments of beauty are everywhere.  They happen all the time and many are just too small or too mundane to appreciate.  Why not appreciate them?  Things like a person smiling at you, a friendly hello, someone making space so you can change lanes, or someone holding the door.

This small stuff happens everyday.

This makes me think of the riwayat of rasulallah asking people he was with to gather fire wood in the desert.  They all didn't think there was enough, but it piled up when people accumulated the small amounts.

There's small amounts of happiness everywhere and everyday.  We can pile it up.

Taher, notice the small.  Taher, do those small things.  Someone else may pile those up.

Legacy

Life is short though it may not always seem like that.  It has a way of seeming even shorter when looking back.  Kids grow up and things change.  You have milestones and low points.  Those seem to be the memories that stick.  

The other day dad came over and told me the story of when he first got to the USA.  I'd heard it before, but I love watching him tell it.  It was the 60 year mark.  He made his way to Minneapolis.  There was a snow storm and his connecting flight was cancelled.  He was being hosted by a family he'd never seen for a few days in rural Minnesota.  A bunch of them had all come to the airport to receive him only to not have him arrive.

My dad got bumped to a later flight.  It was 60 years ago so he had no way of letting them know.  The family all left, except for the dad.  He stayed back.  And was miraculously there to meet my dad, all by himself; a foreigner in a strange place.

They eventually drove the 1.5 hours back to their farm where at 11 pm the whole family had waited to eat dinner.  The mom went to the library and researched what would be ok to eat.  She prepared the meal and assured my dad that there was no pork in anything.  After dinner, the dad showed my dad to his room.  He even pointed and said Mecca is that way.  He even figured out which way qibla was!  

Part of this family's legacy is my dad and his story.  Wow!

At this point, my dad silently reflected on 60 years of life since.  He thought about his legacy I imagine.

Then the mood changed.  My dad talked about this picture on his desk.  It's a picture I know well.  It's a picture of his whole family on the day he left.   Everyone gathered.  Going on a plane, let alone to the US was a big deal then.

A new part of the story developed.  There are 19 people standing with my dad.  He noted that all 19 people had passed away and even 2 of the seated kids had passed away.

Taher, remember that your legacy is bigger than you and do things that you'll be proud of when you think about your legacy.