Tommorow marks the beginning of Rajab, a month of fasting for me. For a while, I have been dreading the impending fast full of long, long summer days, the abscense of coffee and missed summer lunches in the city.
Today's walk to work, however, brought clarity and I thought about why I fast and why I enjoy this month so much. All the religious fulfillment aside for a moment, this month means a great deal to me. It is valuable time spent re-focusing on my priorities and becoming centered. The last few months have been filled with distractions like work, money and all the other things that seemed important at the time.
I don't know why, but I lose sight of all that I have and have been able to do. This last 7 plus months with Yusuf and Zahra alone have been full of milestones, but what I thought about this morning was potential. Seeing Yusuf and my family grow so much this year has me thinking about all the potential and all the milestones that lie ahead. I am going to spend this next month reflecting about right now and the future. I am going to spend it reflecting about all the potential I have right in front of me and before me. I am going to spend it thinking about my family and what it means to have have a balanced life.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Family Chorus
Last night Z and i sat on the couch, enjoying a worry/study/work/chore/obligation free evening watching some mind numbing TV. We sat close and in our usual spots on our familiar couch. I sat blocking out everything. I could hear and feel my heartbeat, my breathing, Z's heartbeat, Z's breating, the baby's heartbeat and the baby's hiccups rythmically pulsing in perfect harmony.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Studying
When history depends on the future, things have a tendency to become confusing - Charles McClenehan FCAS, ASA, MAAA
I'll say Chuck. Hopefully this is the last time.
I'll say Chuck. Hopefully this is the last time.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Risk etc.
I'm back...
Just a couple of interesting (in the mind of the beholder?) topics of study that I've come across...
The so called St. Petersburg Paradox is an interesting problem. It is where probability and economics come together. This problem attempts to value the marginal, the additional, the extra. The value is widely thought of as utility.
Economics makes use of the word 'utility'. That word is loaded, and the interpretation can lead to different places. It is interesting to me that fundamental economics depends on this interpretation. Relating this to Aqa Moula's noorani kalemo, I attempt to very very loosely paraphrase Aqa Moula's Chelum vaas, "benefit should be taken from wealth". I'm not sure what my point is, but I'd love to hear any thoughts you have.
Another thing I came across,
Bodie, Kane, and Marcus define gambling as 'the assumption of risk for the enjoyment of risk' and they define speculation as 'the assumption of risk in spite of risk for a perceived favorable risk-return trade-off'
A fine line if you ask me. Again no real point, but I'd love to hear any thoughts.
Just a couple of interesting (in the mind of the beholder?) topics of study that I've come across...
The so called St. Petersburg Paradox is an interesting problem. It is where probability and economics come together. This problem attempts to value the marginal, the additional, the extra. The value is widely thought of as utility.
Economics makes use of the word 'utility'. That word is loaded, and the interpretation can lead to different places. It is interesting to me that fundamental economics depends on this interpretation. Relating this to Aqa Moula's noorani kalemo, I attempt to very very loosely paraphrase Aqa Moula's Chelum vaas, "benefit should be taken from wealth". I'm not sure what my point is, but I'd love to hear any thoughts you have.
Another thing I came across,
Bodie, Kane, and Marcus define gambling as 'the assumption of risk for the enjoyment of risk' and they define speculation as 'the assumption of risk in spite of risk for a perceived favorable risk-return trade-off'
A fine line if you ask me. Again no real point, but I'd love to hear any thoughts.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Semantics?
Racist, Prejudice, Opinionated, Associations. Is there a difference?
I've come across this project, implicit. They set out to see what people associate with different topics, types of people, and things. You can find general information about the project here. They have gathered a ton of data and use it to make conclusions about culture and society and their influences on our sub-consciousness.
The conclusions that they draw are eye-opening and their 'data' is substantial and convincing. I haven't taken the implicit test. In part because I don't know how much credence I give to the test and in part because I am afraid of what the results might be.
Proceed at your own risk.
I've come across this project, implicit. They set out to see what people associate with different topics, types of people, and things. You can find general information about the project here. They have gathered a ton of data and use it to make conclusions about culture and society and their influences on our sub-consciousness.
The conclusions that they draw are eye-opening and their 'data' is substantial and convincing. I haven't taken the implicit test. In part because I don't know how much credence I give to the test and in part because I am afraid of what the results might be.
Proceed at your own risk.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Fast Friends
Five and a half years post-ZP. It started as romantic as I could have imagined; across the world, unexpected, and with its own obstacles. Instant attraction (at least from me) and a certain amount of wooing. It was difficult, but easy at the same time. Falling in love was easy, and having it happen in a story book way made it so perfect.
I think back to those first few months and wonder what it was that I fell in Love with? I enjoyed the time we spent together and we connected so often and easily...but what did I LOVE? I think it was part physical attraction and part loving what I thought those parts of ZP's identity I didn't know about yet could be. That unknown was exciting.
Fast forward to today. The attraction is still most definitely there, but those unknowns aren't. And the certainty is glorious. Take away the attraction, and what's left is my best friend. The best friend I could have ever imagined, the part that is not in story books but should be.
Your best friend ZP,
Taher
I think back to those first few months and wonder what it was that I fell in Love with? I enjoyed the time we spent together and we connected so often and easily...but what did I LOVE? I think it was part physical attraction and part loving what I thought those parts of ZP's identity I didn't know about yet could be. That unknown was exciting.
Fast forward to today. The attraction is still most definitely there, but those unknowns aren't. And the certainty is glorious. Take away the attraction, and what's left is my best friend. The best friend I could have ever imagined, the part that is not in story books but should be.
Your best friend ZP,
Taher
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Little things
I've been thinking how it's little decisions snowball and can really shape your life, who you are, and what you become. We make small decisions almost daily because of or inspite of fear. I look back on the last several years and, at least in my personal experience, can identify overcoming and succumbing to little fears that have really shaped the person I am today.
One example among many is namaz. At some point many years ago, I was afraid (at least on some level) to do namaz outside of a mumin's sanctuary. But then one day, I gathered the courage to do pray in a public place. I must admit, I was probably nervous, anxious and rushed through all the neccesary arkans only doing the bare minimum of namaz. As before, I again found myself out during namaz time and found it just a little bit easier to do namaz in public...this happened again and again. And now, I carry a compass whereever I go, do namaz without hesitation, without care of my surroundings (and I don't mean to worry you ZP). Now, it's as if I can not miss namaz.
This is one fear I could have easily succumbed to and made a habit of not praying on time or not praying at all. I ask myself if my actions or some innate religiousness are the cause or the effect...a classic what came first, the chicken or the egg case [feel free to make fun of MA, I won't erase the comments]. There have been many small paths I've taken in my youth to bring me where I am right now, and it's important to realize there are still those little things almost everyday.
One example among many is namaz. At some point many years ago, I was afraid (at least on some level) to do namaz outside of a mumin's sanctuary. But then one day, I gathered the courage to do pray in a public place. I must admit, I was probably nervous, anxious and rushed through all the neccesary arkans only doing the bare minimum of namaz. As before, I again found myself out during namaz time and found it just a little bit easier to do namaz in public...this happened again and again. And now, I carry a compass whereever I go, do namaz without hesitation, without care of my surroundings (and I don't mean to worry you ZP). Now, it's as if I can not miss namaz.
This is one fear I could have easily succumbed to and made a habit of not praying on time or not praying at all. I ask myself if my actions or some innate religiousness are the cause or the effect...a classic what came first, the chicken or the egg case [feel free to make fun of MA, I won't erase the comments]. There have been many small paths I've taken in my youth to bring me where I am right now, and it's important to realize there are still those little things almost everyday.
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