Sunday, July 22, 2018

Losing with grace

It can be tough to be a gracious winner.  It's way tougher to lose with grace.  Being gracious is a choice and an important one.

There are a couple  thoughts I want to remember and write down that I had recently.   They are related to being happy.

The first is the idea of winning AND losing graciously.  Winning graciously is relatively easy.  Losing graciously on the other hand is much more difficult.  Sometimes things aren't going to work out the way I'm thinking.  There are likely a number of things that went exactly right to get to that place where something didn't.  It's a choice to focus on what went right and not what didn't.  It is so much easier to frame anything as winning and easier to be gracious.  And easier to be happy.

The second idea is that we are all connected.  There are no "winners" and "losers".  This is way easier written than changing my thinking completely; winning and losing is just a poor way of framing a situation.  It's hard not to think of a lot of situations that way.  In the mean time, if anyone "lost" then someone "won".  However, it doesn't have to be zero sum.  Since we are all connected, being happy for someone else is a path to be happy for ourselves.

Every time things don't go my way, it is an opportunity to be happy for someone else and be happier in the process.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Opportunity

I’ve written and thought the word opportunity a lot this last several days. We got to do sadaqa to folks that were asking for help. Yusuf was in charge of sadaqa on our making sure we did it often. He was sometimes questioning why a person was so poor or had a certain handicap I imagine while thinking there were others nearby with seemingly plenty. He was sometimes a bit scared to give the sadaqa. I did it with him or was never far away. I said thank you each time and made sure Yusuf heard. I explained to him that we say thank you for the opportunity to do something good. 


There are opportunities to do something good everywhere.  We tell the kids if you have something you have enough to share.  It’s a lesson I’m working on internalizing. 

Shukran!

We had our annual WP trip with our friends and their family. We had been planning it for about a year and we all very much look forward to it for just as long. 

Over the years we’ve had lots of conversations with our friends about parenting and the things we want to expose the kids to. Putting them in situations where they see how different people live has always been high on the priority list. 

This year our destination was Cairo.  We’ve taken the kids abroad on these annual trips before. Those trips were great, but this was further away and different and less sheltered. It wasn’t a beach vacation or a resort. Egypt is hot and crowded and there are people that are well off and people that aren’t everywhere. Rich and poor and everything in between. And they’re TOGETHER.  It’s inescapable and at times in your face. I’m sure the kids noticed and experienced this as we were constantly in situations outside our comfort zone.  

We had an amazing day at the pyramids, being with the kids and seeing something 5,000 years old. Going to the pyramids was more than just a memorable experience. There was something that can’t be imagined. Seeing them in person and touching them made you appreciate the grandness.  It was a different experience that I’m glad the kids had. 

We also had a fantastic day going to Fayoum, an oasis town, that started out underwhelming, but ended up with an awesome pottery school experience and amazing sunset. We somehow navigated to a small and hot school in the middle of a very small town where they made pottery by hand using a very old fashioned pottery wheel that was spun manually. The kids each got to make a pot with a teacher helping them. The kids got that tactile experience and then got to see the beautiful stuff made by hand in this small, hot pottery school.  As we drove away we saw young kids in old, dirty clothes playing soccer and clearly having fun in front of a gorgeous mural painted on the side of a regular old building. Beauty is everywhere. It was hard to miss here. I don’t know that it is explicit, but I believe the kids internalized what they saw and experienced; beauty is all around. And to top it off we saw the sunset of a hundred different colors while standing next to a huge lake in the desert. How could all that converge?  It doesn’t even make sense to me as I write this. But I realize this amazing scene happens every day!  I guess I just need to open my eyes wider. 

We also took the kids to the Egyptian museum and looked at the artifacts that were so old and so well preserved. They saw mummies and I think were kind of amazed despite being very hot. We took opportunities to point out how differently they lived then. We saw their tiny royal bed. We saw their primitive royal toilet. We saw their jewelry. We saw there rudimentary medical equipment. We read signs and notes how young people were when they died and noted that some died of diseases that are now far from fatal. 

We were sure to point out all the things the kids had to be thankful for every day. 

There was a large religious component to this trip as well. Doing ziyarat at Rasul-Husain was a high priority for us. We made sure the kids knew that. And we showed them by making it among our first destinations each day. We visited many masaajid and other ziyarat as well making sure the kids understood just a fraction of the context. Hopefully, we all appreciated even just a small piece of the importance theses places have for us. It was hard not to feel...I can’t articulate what, but it was a feeling that I can best describe as satisfaction. We were sure to remind the kids and ourselves how lucky we were to be there and doing these things. We made sure that little time passed between saying and thinking Alhamdolillah. 

After a masaajid tour we went to Jamea Juyushi on a hill and did namaz there. After, we took in the view of the pyramids, the masaajid of Cairo, the old city, and part of the new city. It was very cool to see the really really old next to the really old next to the sort of old next to the not very old all in one view. 

Our trip was wonderfully rearranged when Moula announced he would visit. We were amazingly lucky to be there. Other people were trying to get to where we already were and they couldn’t. 

We got so much barakat for being in the place where Moula was. We went through lots of efforts to ensure we took advantage of this stupendous opportunity. 

We got to do deedar. Of course we’d get to do deedar; Moula was there. We got to watch Moula do ziyarat multiple times and we got to do namaz with Moula in three different masaajid. We got to do qadambosi!  Alhamdolillah. Alhamdolillah. Alhamdolillah.

There was a lot of sitting and waiting and not knowing what we’d be doing tomorrow. And it was all well worth it. I think of my reaction to each time we got to do anything and it was Alhamdolillah every time. I felt it. I said it. I made sure the kids said it and acknowledged often how awesome it was often. 

I was reminded of my brother’s ziyafat years ago. I remember him giving two teenage girls a pass to do qadambosi. It was the first chance they had in their lives and they lived in a place Moula is often. I was there with my 1 and 3 year old to do qadambosi that I thought to be a foregone conclusion. They were so so so happy and reacted in a way I vividly remember to this unexpected opportunity. They were overjoyed. It was so meaningful. It made me re-think my shukur for being with Moula this trip. I thought Alhamdolillah, but I imagine it was just a fraction of what these girls felt. There is more shukur to do. 

This taught me a lesson in shukur as I was trying to teach the kids about shukur. I realized that there is so much I take for granted without even realizing. No, not of course we would get to do deedar. Alhamdolillah we got to do deedar. 

Having shukur, I believe, is key to being happy. The more things I can find to do shukur for the more happiness I’ll find. More than anything, I want the kids to be happy. 

There are always many things to do shukur about. Even more than we realize. 

This was a great trip that I hope the kids will not only remember the experiences we had, but will carry with them these lessons of having and doing shukur that will help keep them happy for the rest of their lives.   I will certainly try. 


Alhamdolillah.