I heard an amazing true story example of something I want to be reminded of later and often. A man was new to this country and didn’t know what Thanksgiving was. A nice person invited him over for Thanksgiving dinner. Years later he became financially successful. For over 30 years he’s been donating and handing out turkeys on Thanksgiving.
This is powerful. One nice thing…
Taher, pay it forward whenever you can. You never know. Do what Taylor Swift says and make Karma a relaxing thought.
I heard a song for the first time in years. It was popular when I was in high school. I must have heard in 1,000 times then. I missed this lyric every time though. And I heard it just now and it stuck with me.
"
For the life of me, I cannot rememberWhat made us think that we were wise
"
I have thought about wisdom over the years. Mostly I've thought about how I shouldn't fool myself into thinking that I have any. This lyric was eye opening for me. Basically, I think it's saying you can never be wise and that you'll always look back and wonder why you thought that. It's a paradox. The only way to be wise is to believe you aren't. It's humbling and elegant.
Taher, you are not wise. Don't believe or think you are. Listen.
It took me many years to learn and even longer to accept. After a long time I understood that you can’t be all things to anyone. Sorry I didn’t figure that out sooner Zahra. There are things you can be. Be great at that. Facilitate the things you can’t be. There’s a fair amount of advice in this post; it’s mostly for me.
Taher, excel at the things you can be. Don’t try to be the other stuff.
I usually am not a fan of self-help style lists. I really liked this one. I wanted to put it here and remember it. I edited it a little for brevity, but didn’t change it.
Taher, read this once in a while. It’s a good reminder.
11 habits that will make you happier than 98% of people:
1. Take Care of Your Health
You only get one mind and one body. Both must last you a lifetime. Without it, you have nothing.
2. Give Sincere Appreciation
Practice gratitude daily. It helps you keep things in perspective.
3. Pay it Forward
Studies show random acts of kindness improve well-being.
You can practice paying it forward by:
• Holding the door for someone
• Picking up trash outside
• Giving a compliment
One simple action can alter the trajectory of your day.
4. Choose Optimism
But in the long run, optimists are the ones who live a life they’re proud of.
5. Reduce Your Wants
It is not the man who has too little that is poor.
6. Don't Compare Yourself to Others
Comparison is the thief of joy. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
7. Ignore the Nonessential
There is always a new opportunity or distraction available. But in the long run, it will be those who can stay focused on what’s most important who will be most successful.
8. Constantly Read
A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies.Books give you access to the:
• Thoughts
• Stories
• Philosophies
of those who came before you.
9. Prioritize Growth
There is no such thing as stagnant. A 1% improvement in a day is a 3,700% improvement in a year.
10. Write Daily
Putting your thoughts on paper forces you to organize them. If you lack understanding, it will expose gaps in your thinking. Use writing to sharpen your thinking and increase your brainspace.
11. Practice Meditation
Take 10 minutes a day to be present and observe your thoughts.
I was able to do a random act of kindness this morning. I came to Panera after a busy morning to get some coffee. I noticed that there were no paper towels in the bathroom. Something the guy washing his hands would find out momentarily. I stepped out to quickly get a stack of napkins to give some to him and leave for the next person. It was small, but it made me feel good. The universe even rewarded me it seems with some free coffee later😁
The opportunity presented itself and doing something kind made me feel good. It turned my busy, not-so-wonderful morning into a nice morning.
Taher, look for the opportunity to do something kind. The opportunities are out there. It makes you feel good.
There’s a nuance to control. There’s nuance to freedom and fate. Freedom and fate can be viewed as contradictory. I don’t think that’s right. They are circular and humans just can’t understand them. We can choose our response.
Viktor Frankl is a holocaust survivor. It’s unimaginable what he went through and dealt with. Despite all that he had seen, he believed there’s a choice.
He said, “Between the stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our responses. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” A reaction is almost instinctual and doesn’t use one of our greatest gifts, thought. Think then respond.
Taher, respond don’t react.
Yusuf and Nooriya, this whole blog is for you and Zahra. This post is specifically for you.
You both inspire me in different ways. That has helped shape the way I act. You're both teenagers and somehow how I behave seems more important. I don't actually know. That's probably important at most ages. These teen years seem formative in a way other ages weren't. I was thinking about that recently and how to articulate my behavior came in to clearer focus for me recently.
It's my goal to be in your top 5 later in life. When you count on your one hand I want to be included in a couple of things. I want to be in your top 5 friends. I want to be in your top 5 role models. I want to be in the top 5 people you love most. I want to be in your top 5 good influences. I want to be in your top 5 best people.
Taher, do it if it gets you closer to being in the top 5.
I've known this word for a while. I just recently looked it up when I was trying to articulate what it meant. I always thought it meant something I would describe as being cool. I really like this word after looking it up. The definition I found was mental calmness especially in a difficult situation.
This motivates me to have this quality more. My mind could always be calmer, especially when it's a stressful situation. People around notice and imitate the reactions they see. Help normalize calm.
Taher, keep you cool and be mentally calm. Remember the kids are watching; set an example.
A key to happiness is to be around happy people. The people who surround us shape us. Moula gives us wise counsel to pick your company carefully. If the people around you are happy that’s good for your happiness. Happiness is circular that way.
This is why it’s so important to make others happy. Especially those around you. If you have happiness, give it to others. It’ll come back to you.
Taher, give it away.
Last year I got a a lot out of waaz. In addition to the many benefits of being there, I retained some simple take aways from last year. They were simple. Be generous, be thankful, and forgive.
This year like last year was full of depth that’s hard to articulate. The asar is as powerful as it was last year. It’s made the be thankful take away from last year deeper. Simply, shukr isn’t only being happy with what you have it’s wanting more so you can do more.
I have a couple simple take aways from this year so far. They are love and honesty. Not complicated, but very deep. I look forward to understanding these simple ideas more deeply next year or in the future just as shukr has more dimension for me now.
Taher, be honest. Taher, show love.
The last little bit at work has been pretty stressful. I think that stresses in life will just keep happening. This work stress will dissipate and whatever I'm dealing with at work will be in the rearview eventually. There will be another thing that stresses me out after this. That too will eventually be in the rearview. Then another thing. That's part of life I think.
I'm looking forward to Ashara this year. It's coming up and I get to leave all this stuff behind. It is a nice annual reminder that this life "stuff" isn't so bad. I had this thought a few years back when I thought something terrible had happened. Turns out it wasn't so bad. I want to write this down as a reminder to future me.
Taher, it's not so bad. Rember this. It will make you smile every time.
We took a road trip this Memorial Day. That's not different from many other years. Like many other times I stopped to do namaz. I've told the kids many times when it's time for namaz we do namaz. They see me and Zahra do namaz when it's time. I've mostly been very understanding I think of what's happening and sometimes their priorities are not in the right order in my opinion when it comes to namaz, but they are kids and they are learning and growing like all of us hopefully.
We stopped on the way there and back when it was namaz time. Both times they did namaz also. And not because they were told. They did it because it was namaz time and that's what they saw. I was very proud.
Taher, don't forget that the kids see.
I get something more every time Moula does bayan. Today, there was a bayan about Moula Ali and Abizer and a rock. Moula Ali said to Abizer take that rock and Abizer wondered why he would want a rock. He took it following Moula Ali’s words and it turned into gold. Moula told him to only take what he needed to fulfill his promise and not more. Moula did not expand more, but I finally made a connection to another thing Moula has been encouraging us to do. Be mindful of our eating. Consider your appetite and not availability. Be satisfied and stop. It’s a healthier way to eat. In general, it’s a better way to live.
Moula also said give whatever you can. It could be just a pencil or a handkerchief or a bite of food. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. This alone is beautiful. I finally connected it to the Moula Ali story. Abizer didn’t see the value of what Moula Ali said and then he did. Moula is telling us to give. We might not understand, but we may one day.
Taher, take what you need and give whatever you can.
Every year in Ramadan I try to focus on one thing. This year it’s influence.
I’ve heard or read many times in my life “lead by example” or something similar. Usually this is in a work context. It’s usually lead, but what doesn’t really talk about situations where you might not be a leader.
Recently, I learned more about this thing that happens in our brains called Behavior Contagion. Our actions can be contagious and even change people’s brains. I like to think of this as influencing by example. I am not the best at articulating what I mean even to those small few who are patient enough with me to listen. Learning about this has taught me I don’t need to explain. Just do.
Qualities can be contagious. Patience, honesty, humility, and understanding and can be contagious. I have an opportunity to pass it on.
Taher, just do. Taher, smile more; it can be contagious.
I'm learning about this new concept. Humans have a diminished response to the same stimulus over time. Things we once might have found new we might not even notice over time.
I was once filled with wonder going on a plane. There were all these things I didn't understand. Going on a plane is amazing. You fly which is awesome. There is even food on the plane. One of my favorite memories is Yusuf getting a meal for the first time on a plane as a very little kid and exclaiming, "this is all for me?!". You can even look out the window and get an amazing, different perspective on the world. You live in the sky and at the end of it you're somewhere far away. On vacation or visiting someone or doing something memorable, but almost always something good.
I've done it a few hundred times and now it's not wonderous anymore. Something can only be wrong. A flight get's delayed or a bag is late or there might be some other problem. That's so sad. I'm so used to it that I don't feel wonder, only possibly annoyed.
Taher, habituation probably happens all the time. Remember the wonder. Don't get so used to things that you don't notice the amazingness everyday.
