Monday, January 30, 2012


The last few weeks for me have been frustrating; Nooriya has been making her preference for Zahra known. Every day is, "I want MAMMI!" at various loud volumes and various stages of crying. And that's awesome; there isn't a single person in the world I would rather her want more than Zahra, including me.

Some days I just look at her and she runs to Zahra. She hasn't sat in my lap to drink milk in a long time. I try not to read into it; she's two. But I can't help feeling that she doesn't want me. She just prefers Zahra.

What the heck?! I make every effort to be around all the time; I have a low stress and low commitment job, I don't have or want "guy" plans, I don't really devote any energy to anything else. I am there for virtually all dinners, bathtimes, bedtime and we do everything as a family. What more can I do; it doesn't make sense to me.

Then yesterday. I was out with Yusuf for a few hours during her nap. When I came home, I was greeted at the door with Nooriya yelling, " I LUW YOU ABBA! I LUW YOU ABBA!" Not long later, she lied in my lap awake for about a half hour. It was as if she was just plugging into me and somehow sending to me a signal of how close she is to me. Message received. And this morning, she slept in and woke up after I left for work. When she woke up she was asking for me.

I hope to come back and read this when I'm frustrated. All the effort is so well worth it. I know there will be many times to come where I'm not on the top of her list. It's comforting to know that she can somehow connect with me and erase my frustration.

1 comment:

Aziz P. said...

I wouldn't call it a preference - it's more of a role. She relies more on Z for her daily routine, and you represent a different set of emotional needs.

Plus I've found that there is a gender bond that sometimes we males can't fully access. Living in a house surrounded by females, it's really apparent to me at times. Theres even a hint of desperation in it - it seems that between females there needs to be a constant reaffirmation of the bond, whereas with us it's something they don't really worry about.

Don't let it frustrate you - part of yoru role is to be Always There, like insurance or a steady presence which by its very stolid nature can be ignored.

Dads are well-wired to be taken for granted. Thats our job :)