Pet Peeve

I've gotten to spend a lot of time with Zahra, Yusuf, and Nooriya.  I've reminded myself that I really like my roommates.

I have been thinking a lot about ‘annoying’ this Ramadan. I’ve wondered to myself more than a few times recently, “am I being annoying?”.  I think ‘probably’, shrug, and continue doing whatever it is I was doing in a less annoying way I hope.

I know that Yusuf and Nooriya find some stuff I do annoying. I make the same joke every opportunity. I realize they stopped thinking it was funny a long time ago. Whenever they are telling me something they often say rhetorically, “guess what”. I make them stop and listen to me guess something totally outrageous and unrelated as they roll their eyes. I also ask totally stupid questions when they are explaining something. It’s often met with, “Abba stop!”.  They didn’t really think it was funny when they were 4. I’m not going to stop though.  It’s my thing.

I’ve realized that some stuff I’ve found annoying in the past no longer is. It used to annoy me to get directions when I knew where I was going. It used to annoy me when people would ask if I’m eating enough. These things don’t annoy me anymore. In fact, it’s often the opposite now.

Taher, you don’t have to be annoyed. It’s not easy, but sometimes what’s left is awesome. Taher, know that one day Yusuf and Nooriya will stop being annoyed with your stupid jokes and they’ll see what’s left. 

Giving

This year for Eid I was able to give Zarha something super special.  It wasn't an object or material.  I learned a song for her.  It took me months.  I was obsessed with getting it right.  I practiced all the time.  I literally practiced a thousand times.

It was all I thought about.  The song was stuck in my head.  It played in my head all day and even was the soundtrack to many of my dreams.

I thought about the perfect way to give it to her.  I thought about what I would say and what I would do.  I thought about where I would give it, where Zahra would sit, what Yusuf would do, what Nooriya would do, how to make sure everyone was in a good mood, how to prevent any interruptions from our phones, that the camera had enough memory, and every other detail I could think of.

Along the way, I realized something.  I started doing this completely thinking about Zahra.  I was consumed with making sure that it was just right for her.  I started out doing this completely for someone else.  Along the way something unexpected happened.  At some point, though, it became an amazing present for me.  The present was getting to give and hopefully make someone else happy.

I read this post I wrote almost six years ago about 'The Giving Tree'.  The story had a new dimension for me.  Basically, the tree gives and gives and ends with the tree being happy.   I understand the end part more now.

The Beatles said it, Zahra said it, and probably some other smart people too.

All you need is love.

Taher, remember how giving made you feel. 

Random

Every Ramadaan I focus on something and I usually write a blog about it.  This year Ramadaan has been weird.  Life is weird and different.  I have been thinking a lot about something this year. Randomness.

Aspects of this quarantine suck, some are awesome, and some things are not changed very much. It’s weird. I reprimanded my mom for trying to give me a hug. What the F?!!  What is happening?  I don’t know and I can’t even think of a possible reason for so many people to be affected. Maybe that’s the point Taher. Humans were just not made to understand.  I'm remembering a book from my youth that made an impression on me and reading some of the posts I've made about it over the years.

Taher, there’s many times to come that you won’t understand. It’s not random though. Everything will be ok. 

I still have no idea

I’m rereading my post from 2012. I probably still have no idea and as I predicted 8 years ago I’m rolling my eyes. I did know I would love everyone even more than then. I was right about that too.