Know

They usually know. And they’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. 

It’s easy to criticize. Often, I criticize those closest to me. It almost doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to enumerate anything because it’s embarrassing. I know though.

It’s easy to be critical. And fool yourself into thinking you’re being helpful. That person needs to be more active for their own health. It’s easy to think, let me tell them to exercise or let me get them something that’ll make it easier for them to be active. It’s kinda insulting; it can easily assume they’ve never thought of that. Doing that can add a pressure. That isn’t the intention, but it happens. 

They probably know already. Cut them slack instead of being “helpful”. Go with them. Be part of whatever it is. Assume they know.  Otherwise, it may not be helpful even if that’s the intent. Niyat matters a lot, but it’s not everything. 

Taher, choose when you criticize. They probably already know. 

Hasad

We see the screen and we see how lucky some people are. Sometimes Moula stops to touch someone and sometimes he stops to talk to someone. Naseebdar!

We are lucky to see. Our reaction (not response ) needs to be automatic and immediate. Alhamdolillah!  Great for that person. 

It happens all the time. I’ll see someone with a nice this or that, or someone commanding lots of attention, or having anything. My first and only thought should be -Alhamdolillah! Great for that person. 

Moula told us Hasad is the worst bimari.  Moula said khuda gave us hands, feet, a mouth, and most importantly iman. Then he asked biju su joweche?

We don’t look at someone with less and think - why can’t I have that. Khuda koi ne aape koi ne na aape. Khuda gives to some and khuda doesn’t give to some. Samjo to samjo, na samjo to na samjo. Understand if you understand, don’t understand if you don’t understand. 

This is my favorite ayat once I learned the meaning. It repeats over and over. It is the most often occurring.

 فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ 

It isn’t a translation, but this ayat basically means - what else do you want?

Taher, you don’t need anything else. You already have all you need. 

Slow

Many mornings the kids are rushing around to get all the things they need for school. It bugs me that it’s not relaxed, but I remind myself they need to get that mental place in their own time. 

It is better to go slow. It is better to leave a margin for what’s important.

Zahra and I have this running joke that’s only kind of a joke. Namaz won’t be for 20-30 minutes and I’ll stop what I’m doing with her or naturally end the conversation and leave saying “it’s namaz time”. 

Moula says to pretty much do everything thamakun si, relaxed. He also says aram si roo ane kush haal si zindigi guzaro. Live comfortably/peacefully/slowly and happily. These are not separate and certainly not in conflict. Live slowly so that you can be happy AND live happily so that you can live slowly. They are intertwined. 

Moula never wants us to rush. If it takes 5 minutes, take 7. Be happy. Be slow. As Moula has told us, it takes discipline and focus. 

Taher, be the early bird. 

Awal waqt

Literally awal waqt means first time. I think it’s a concept though. 

Doing the right thing is always right. Giving a hug, showing love, doing namaz, and many many other good things. 

Moula did a riwayat today I’ve heard before, but learned a new layer today😁  A man who did namaz awal waqt was late to namaz.  It wasn’t the awal waqt.  He got distracted and waited until the very last moment to do namaz. He wanted to do wazu and instead of water he got jewels.  He sent the jewels back into the well.  He tried again and got jewels instead of water.  He tried a third time and was able to do wazu and namaz.  There’s a lot to learn from this story and the new layer for me is that doing things awal waqt is a habit that needs to be developed or a muscle that needs to be exercised.  It requires discipline and focus which Moula also talked about.

I got the Naseeb to go and take care of Nooriya and dad on back to back days. It was less than convenient for me. I was a bit annoyed at first, but then thankful I had the opportunity to be helpful. It wasn’t immediate that I felt like that, but it was close. 

When I’m patient with the kids, I always feel good. I’m hoping they do too.  Especially, when that’s my first response.

The right thing is always the right thing. Doing it first thing is better and makes you feel good and makes good memories.

Taher, do it in the awal waqt. 

Force

There’s something pulling on me all the time. Do this or don’t do that. I don’t know how to name it. 

The waaz yesterday was in part about a force. It’s a concept that was made accessible to us. Moula seemed to be describing gravity without using the word gravity. He described a force so strong that it attracts. Without it you float away.  Just like what gravity does. Not gravity. He didn’t say the word. 

Then he named it to the surprise of most. Love. Wa lad deen ilul hoob. There is no religion without love. 

A new layer became clear. Lead with Niyat or intention. 

Taher, do it with love. You’ll never float away.

Worst thing

Like many of the posts I make, I want to remember this for later. 

The worst thing is a feeling. Je thawanauche thase (what is going to happen will happen). What will happen is inevitable. We can choose how to feel about it. The “good” or “bad” things will happen. The “good” and “bad” are up to us. What happens is usually not that bad. 

We have this baseline of happiness. It’s like our upper limit that we return to. The thing is it’s not fixed. That’s wondrous!  This idea of what is abundance is flexible. This baseline is up to us and that is amazing!

Priorities determine “good” and “bad”. It’s not easy, but it’s also not complicated to move this baseline towards more happiness. 

Taher, remember your priorities. Do the work to remember them even if no one claps. 

Everyday

I had to look this up.  Everyday as one word means common while every day is literal.  I think this distinction is pretty cool.

Today is a special day and I was inspired by Zahra to write this.  It’s not great writing, but I want to come back to read this and remember how I was feeling when I wrote this.

—

Every Day is Everyday

The sunrises Everyday

The stars are in the sky Everyday

We make memories Everyday

Let the memories hold on to you Every Day

It’s hard, we’re just pathetic humans

Still,

Every Day is Everyday

— 

Taher, the sun rises every day.  Not just on vacation; it is literally everyday.

Panera

Panera keeps giving!  I’m enjoying some relaxing time at Panera today. A week ago we were knee deep in Ashara planning, ITS that wouldn’t cooperate and was seriously frustrating, and complicated logistics. Stress was all around. It was damn near impossible to be calm. I knew it would all work out eventually. It always seems to. It was hard to remember that and it was so hard to reassure others. 

We got a good reminder yesterday in misaq and waaz. A part of the waaz that really stayed with me was just have baroso. You’ve got the main and important stuff, don’t worry. The misaq reinforced this Khuda koy ne aape koy ne na aape. Khuda koy ne uncha kare koy ne neecha kare. Don’t worry. And ends with Mubarak. You have this oath and you’ve made it. 

Today I’m enjoying some time at Panera. Just after I entered a dad came in with his one year old. The kids was in adorable. He was in the phase where he could walk and really couldn’t talk yet. The Panera employee saw this cute kid and gave him a cookie. He was so excited!!!  The cookie was about the size of his face!😁. A little while later an old guy with a walker was getting coffee. I was able to hold his coffee and the door so he could navigate getting out without spilling. Just now I saw some guy hold the door for someone else that was holding a bunch of stuff. It was great. It was a small thing. 

Taher, notice the small things at Panera. Taher, let the little things pile up. 

Never know

I didn’t write this, but I’ve begun to appreciate it very much. It is very poetic and stands up very well without music. I want to come back and read later. 

—-

We're breaking and rebuilding
And we're growing, always guessing

Never knowing
Shocking but we're nothing
We're just moments
We're clever but we're clueless
We're just human
Amusing and confusing
We're trying but where is this all leading
We'll never know

It all happened so much faster than you could say disaster
Wanna take a time-lapse and look at it backwards from the last one
And maybe that's just the answer that we're after
But after all we're just a bubble in a boiling pot
Just one breath in a chain of thought
The moments just combusting
Feel certain but we'll never, never know
Sure seems the same

—-

Taher, remember that you never know. Leave a margin for what’s important. Be the early bird. 

Pina Colada

I've always associated the Pina Colada song (I think it's called Escape) with vacation.  It's a rather silly song.  It's about a guy who's bored with his marriage and puts out a personal ad.  He puts out the ad with all the things he wants.  He gets a response and plans to meet up with the woman.  In a twist, his wife answers the ad.  She's all the things he wants.  

This song is silly, but it is not a vacation song.  It's good to hear on vacation though.  Seems like it's easier to think about what you want while on vacation.  The guy in this song didn't realize he already had everything he wanted.  It's not about wanting something else, it's about wanting what you've got.

Taher, when you hear this song let it be a reminder to you that you already have everything you want.  Don't just listen to this song on vacation.

Birdbath

This morning, I was eating breakfast and looking out over the backyard and trees as I often do.  Today was a rainy morning and there was a bird bathing in a puddle.  I could tell it wasn’t thinking more than 5 seconds in the future.  It was just doing wazu and enjoying the puddle.  It would submerge half its body and then shake off the water.  There was nothing special about this bird.  It was smallish and boring mix of brown colors.

The bird was just doing it’s thing and was totally in the moment.  It didn’t seem to think about where it’s next meal would come from or what it would be doing later.  It was just doing wazu.

Taher, don’t worry about all the things.  Be like the bird and just do your thing.

Frame

Our mindset can determine our actions.  That's why it's so important.  Stuff happens and that's unavoidable.  We have the ability to respond and not react to stuff.

What is the right response?  It's almost never frustration.  That's a reaction.  A more useful response is probably passion.  Framing the situation is key.  Passion is almost always positive.  I think of a cool word I learned a while back, equanimity. This basically means ability to remain calm.  Being calm seems to almost never be a bad thing.

Frustration is inevitable.  It can be expressed like a toddler, suppressed, expressed as passion, or something more difficult like being calm.  

The positive part is up to us.   That's the mindset piece.  It's important that your actions follow your niyat.  Your actions won't be 100% positive, but cut yourself some slack Taher.  

Taher, be clear what you want your mindset to be. Your niyat can be 100%.

Faith

The other day I heard a family kid relay some wrong information. For some reason, I felt compelled to correct her. I somehow assumed the role of elder😅

She said, “my friend in Jamea said this”. I responded, “still wrong”. She turned to her friend and said what I was saying made more sense. I saw her grow in that moment.

I also thought about my place. It’s not only student and not only to listen. Listening should very regularly be the majority, but not always. I thought about this thing I corrected probably way more than anyone else. I felt compelled to find them the next day and explain a bit more and to leave them with a thought to think more and not just take my word for it. 

This whole thing made me wonder about reason. It’s a critical part of faith I think. You have to accept something without understanding so that you can apply reason. It sounds contradictory, but it’s not. More simply, “to see reality, we must focus on the unseen and unproven”

I don’t understand, but this seems to be vital to happiness. 

Taher, reason requires faith. 

Bees and Naseeb

I recently heard something I want to remember and connect to other stuff I've learned.

"Appreciate the bees, not just the honey"

Moula says mud makhi na misal bano (become like the bee).  Another layer of this became apparent to me.  The bee produces the honey and is a worker.  There are lots of steps in between that don't produce honey.  The bee doesn't care. The "steps" good and bad are written.  They will come.

Recently, I was questioning my place and ability to affect, well anything.  My question was me thinking about my place and asking generally, "Who am I to change anything?".  I was thinking basically why do anything.  My premise was je naseeb ma che tho naseeb ma che (what is written is written).

I got a response that was indirect, but it made me think and satisfied my questioning.  Basically, the response was your premise is correct.  However, when you're hungry you don't just stand under the apple tree and wait for the apple to fall in your mouth.  You put in effort, you water the tree, you nurture the tree, and you eventually pick the apple. Then you eat it.  The effort is part of it; it's essential.  It is written, but what is written isn't based on what you perceive has already happened.

Taher, the bee doesn't care.  Appreciate all of it.

Reason

I've been thinking about incentives.  Specifically, incentive to be kind.  

It doesn't make any rationale sense to be kind sometimes.  There are situations where it just feels right to be kind for no reason.  It doesn't make sense, but it just feels right.  Why?  I don't know.  Does it matter? Other people see. 

Sometimes there's kindness with no hope.  Like taking care of a parent near the end. There is no incentive. But it just feels right. There’s something indirect and undeserved. 

Taher, be kind because it feels right.  It'll come back eventually and you won't ever understand.

Mean something

I again rewatched one of my favorite movies. The dialogue is great. Whole sections just get by me. This gem got by me until now. 

“ 

Love has to mean something. Maybe it means something more, something we can’t yet understand.

Maybe we should trust that if we can’t understand.

“

This reminds me of possibly my favorite thing Moula says. It’s my favorite until I understand more 😁. “wa lad deen ilul hoob”. There is no deen without love. He usually says it three times to emphasize its importance. Love means something. We should trust it. 

Taher, if it’s borne of love then do it. Taher, make it mean something. 

Lessons

Dad was teaching me again tonight. Tonight the Burhani Guards had a darees. In addition to having a darees, they raised money to give a few lucky people a ticket to Karbala to do ziyarat. Dad is naseeb and he was chosen. Wow!  His immediate response was to donate it to someone who hasn’t not been yet. So generous. 

Later that night I just wanted to get home. I was almost out the door to discover that someone had taken my shoes. I was so ready to leave and I looked all over for ten minutes looking for them. Then I remembered dad a few years ago in London took his shoes off at a masjid entrance at a miqaat with Moula. He just took them off and left them. He didn’t care. He had stuff to do at masjid.  I remembered his attitude. They’ll be here or they won’t. He couldn’t care less. So baller. 

Taher, they’re just shoes. 

Bird

The early bird gets the worm.

There's a lot to unpack there.  The early bird gets the worm...sometimes, might be a better way to think about this.  There's only so much in your control and then the rest is just being patient.  The early bird is in position because it's early.  The worm so to speak isn't always early though.  The "early bird" is just prepared for what is important, "the worm".

The rest is just patience.  There's so much you can't do.  Recognizing that leads to patience.  Perhaps a better example is catching a train.  Getting to the station is only partly in your control.  Once you get to the platform the train will come when it comes.  The best you can do is be there and wait.

This phrase is about knowing what's important.  However, it is more about being patient, I think.  The "worm" will comes when it comes.  The waiting with confidence is the hard part.  This leads to the "worm" every time.

Taher, be the early bird.

Wise words

These are someone else’s words. It’s a simple phrase, but so wise. 

"Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue."

Whatever is said can’t be unsaid. It’s so simple, but not easy. Think before you speak. Think before you do anything really. 

Taher, choose your words carefully and deliberately.  

Memories

I am on vacation again. Alhamdolillah. I saw one of my favorite movies again first thing. It immediately put me in the right headspace. 

It has a line I must have missed the first many times. “Now, we're just here to be memories for our kids.”

This vacation is to make more memories. Mostly good ones I hope. The right memories too. The ones about spending time together and doing things that don’t necessarily cost money and don’t only happen on vacation. Sometimes that means deeni memories. 

It’s day 0.25 and already there are some great memories. I did namaz when it was inconvenient not just for me, but for them to see too. 

Yusuf’s 1st meal in was a memory that makes me so proud. He was super hungry with a plate of food in front of him and decided to go 10 minutes back to the room to get his topi even after I told him it was ok and he should bring it next time. 

Zahra is setting a great example for Nooriya wearing rida everywhere and living her life. The chef saw us and told us what was halal and importantly what has questionable ingredients we should stay away from.  Nooriya chose her outfits and they’re all rida. We’re on a boat with no one we know. She could “take a break”, but she’s not. She’s choosing rida when so many on this boat chose a lot less modestly. I’m so proud of them both. 

I’m so proud of all three. 

Taher, when you do something or anything think to yourself, “will you be proud of the kind of memory is this going to be.”