Shoes

In a bayan, Moula was making a point.  He was saying be yourself.  Whatever the situation be proud.  Then, as he always seems to, he shared more wisdom with us.  He asked why not take your shoes off in a restaurant. 

He wasn't telling us to take our shoes off.  It wasn't a Farman.  He was simply asking why not do that.

I don't think of myself as smart.  I'm smart enough to listen to Moula even when I don't understand though.  I stopped wearing shoes when I ate from that day.  

That was years ago.  Today I just understood a fraction of the wisdom he shared.  It was something he didn't say in his bayan or at least I didn't catch it.  It was something I learned only by experiencing.  

I was driving and thirsty. My water was within reach. But I had my shoes on. I wanted to have the water, but it didn’t feel right. I wanted to multitask. 

It dawned on me, part of the wisdom of taking your shoes off is just doing the thing. Don’t multitask. I later got seated and I had the water. It was that much better. 

Taher, take your “shoes” off. JUST do the thing. 

Haircut

Yesterday, Yusuf went for a haircut like he's done many times before.  His usual didn't work out so he went to a new place.  He got there and saw the sign that read "cash only".  He didn't have any.  He told the barber I live nearby and I'll be back in ten minutes with some cash.  They said no, no you're here and  just get it afterwards.  

They didn't have any of his info.  They just trusted him.

He was pleasantly surprised and agreed.  Mid-haircut another patron said, "don't worry about it kid".  He paid for Yusuf.  He left a nice tip and left.  The man left no info.  Yusuf didn't have a chance then or a way later to even say thank you.

Yusuf was astounded by these couple events.  He was so excited that he called on the way home to tell us.  And he repeated this story two times in the next hour.  

The first person trusted him and the second person did something nice with not so much as a "thank you" in return.  They did small things and they made someone feel so good.  The first was just good business and the barber was rewarded immediately with a nice tip and now gained a repeat customer.  The second person did something small and probably made two people really happy.  

The cool thing is the man who paid also felt good.  It's quite established in science and medicine.  It's called the helper's high.  He most likely made three people happy.  No doubt it'll get paid forward.

Taher, you don't have to go around paying for peoples' haircuts. But look for those opportunities to be like these two people.  They have no idea how happy and excited they made Yusuf.  It was good business and a good way to treat people.  They made themselves happier in the process too. 

Character

So much of my actuarial training and experience have been about looking at past events. It was frequently in the flavor of the past indicates the future.

This is true sometimes. It’s more true in some situations and less true in others. This line of thinking can be expanded and generalized to fit most everything. 

It doesn’t consider luck though.

The corollary thinking follows that where someone is will indicate where they will be. This doesn’t consider luck either. 

A better predictor is character or adab or ikhlas. This 100% correlates with success. The thing is we just can’t see or understand how it correlates to success, but it does.  And “luck” doesn’t play a part. 

Taher, always choose adab. 

Raft

I heard this Buddhist parable and thought it was worth writing down.

A man has to cross a jungle.   He comes across a river.  There is no bridge.  The river is to deep to walk through.  The river is not safe to swim across. He spends time to build a raft.  He crosses the river and continues to cross the jungle.  This time, he carries the raft.  It gets in his way constantly and prevents him from crossing the rest of the jungle.  He realizes he needs to put the raft down.

It immediately made me think about parenting.  Yusuf and Nooriya have changed so much these past few years and inshallah they will continue to.  That's what they're supposed to do.  I have pictures of them as toddlers and little kids covering my office.  I look at them all the time.  It makes me happy, but they aren't those people anymore.  I'll be a better parent to remember that.  I'm in a different stage of parenting now.

I've spent so much time building a "raft".  This story applies to so much in life.  It applies to parenting, work, family situations, ability to use my body, and even friendships.  

Taher, sometimes you need to put the "raft" down.  What got you here may not be what gets you there.

Elevation

When a big change happens to us it creates a lasting change within us. Big changes are going to happen.  I've had a few.  Some expected and some not.  They were big though and not all good.  I guess the lasting change is optional.  Big change is an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to make a change that inspires others.  There's actually a phrase for it and there's been some research.  It's called moral beauty or moral elevation. People see whatever positive they see and are inspired.  It's a lesson to consume the positive and perhaps less consumption of the negative.  We're told to avoid back-biting.  This, I think, is part of why.

Doing inspiring stuff is also a form of ibadaat.  When people see moral beauty the experience of awe and beauty is heightened both for the doer and the seer.

Taher, it doesn't have to be big to inspire.  Pay it forward.   Taher, do the small things and the big things.  This is how you pay it forward.

Choices

I'd heard an interview this week and the guest put something into words that I'd thought about, but never been able to put into words so eloquently.  He described his experience in lockdown as being "trapped with his choices".

Everyone experienced lockdown.  For me and many I imagine, it was like groundhog day.  There was no escape.  There was no 'break'.  COVID was objectively awful for a lot of people.  I wasn't one of them.  I was lucky or whatever the right word is.  I had a lot of time to think just like everyone else.  Among other things, I thought about priorities and why I wasn't miserable.  So many people seemed to be.  I remember writing about liking my roommates a month in.

I liked the choices I had made.  I wasn't deliberate in my choices necessarily, but I was trapped with so many of them.  Those choices stemmed from priorities I decided along time ago and priorities I refined over the years.  The choices weren't conscious, but I frequently looked at my priorities.

The world opened and things went back to some kind of normal.  I guess it was easy to fall into old patterns.  I don't think I did though.  I didn't realize it.  I am on a path.  It's subconscious, but I don't think that experience of being trapped with my choices ever left me.

Taher, make choices you'll be proud of later.  Taher, remember your priorities.

Puddle

Duniya sucks.  That's not new.  Crappy things are bound to happen.

Yusuf and Nooriya are inspiring this post.  They both had less than ideal sports experiences.  Their reactions were great though.  They both reacted in ways that demonstrated a lot of leadership and in different ways.  They set a good example.  I learned something.

This is of course broader than their sport thing.  The responses were both growth to be better and to see the less than ideal as a bump rather than the whole thing.  They were passionate too.

Another way to articulate this is their perspective was a bit broader.  They didn't seem to just observe the particular low as the only thing.  Rather they seemed to see it as part of the journey.

It makes me think of a puddle.  A puddle is often pretty boring, gross, and something to be avoided.  There's often something there.  A reflection or a plant or a tree that will spring from it.  Something better comes.  It's hard to see. It's there.  There's beauty there and everywhere.  And not just on vacation.  I still remember noticing the flowers in the gutter in Bangkok and people just walking by.  It takes practice to see.  It takes eyes that have been developed to see the beauty in a puddle.

Taher, train your eyes to see.