Raft

I heard this Buddhist parable and thought it was worth writing down.

A man has to cross a jungle.   He comes across a river.  There is no bridge.  The river is to deep to walk through.  The river is not safe to swim across. He spends time to build a raft.  He crosses the river and continues to cross the jungle.  This time, he carries the raft.  It gets in his way constantly and prevents him from crossing the rest of the jungle.  He realizes he needs to put the raft down.

It immediately made me think about parenting.  Yusuf and Nooriya have changed so much these past few years and inshallah they will continue to.  That's what they're supposed to do.  I have pictures of them as toddlers and little kids covering my office.  I look at them all the time.  It makes me happy, but they aren't those people anymore.  I'll be a better parent to remember that.  I'm in a different stage of parenting now.

I've spent so much time building a "raft".  This story applies to so much in life.  It applies to parenting, work, family situations, ability to use my body, and even friendships.  

Taher, sometimes you need to put the "raft" down.  What got you here may not be what gets you there.

Elevation

When a big change happens to us it creates a lasting change within us. Big changes are going to happen.  I've had a few.  Some expected and some not.  They were big though and not all good.  I guess the lasting change is optional.  Big change is an opportunity.

It's an opportunity to make a change that inspires others.  There's actually a phrase for it and there's been some research.  It's called moral beauty or moral elevation. People see whatever positive they see and are inspired.  It's a lesson to consume the positive and perhaps less consumption of the negative.  We're told to avoid back-biting.  This, I think, is part of why.

Doing inspiring stuff is also a form of ibadaat.  When people see moral beauty the experience of awe and beauty is heightened both for the doer and the seer.

Taher, it doesn't have to be big to inspire.  Pay it forward.   Taher, do the small things and the big things.  This is how you pay it forward.

Choices

I'd heard an interview this week and the guest put something into words that I'd thought about, but never been able to put into words so eloquently.  He described his experience in lockdown as being "trapped with his choices".

Everyone experienced lockdown.  For me and many I imagine, it was like groundhog day.  There was no escape.  There was no 'break'.  COVID was objectively awful for a lot of people.  I wasn't one of them.  I was lucky or whatever the right word is.  I had a lot of time to think just like everyone else.  Among other things, I thought about priorities and why I wasn't miserable.  So many people seemed to be.  I remember writing about liking my roommates a month in.

I liked the choices I had made.  I wasn't deliberate in my choices necessarily, but I was trapped with so many of them.  Those choices stemmed from priorities I decided along time ago and priorities I refined over the years.  The choices weren't conscious, but I frequently looked at my priorities.

The world opened and things went back to some kind of normal.  I guess it was easy to fall into old patterns.  I don't think I did though.  I didn't realize it.  I am on a path.  It's subconscious, but I don't think that experience of being trapped with my choices ever left me.

Taher, make choices you'll be proud of later.  Taher, remember your priorities.

Puddle

Duniya sucks.  That's not new.  Crappy things are bound to happen.

Yusuf and Nooriya are inspiring this post.  They both had less than ideal sports experiences.  Their reactions were great though.  They both reacted in ways that demonstrated a lot of leadership and in different ways.  They set a good example.  I learned something.

This is of course broader than their sport thing.  The responses were both growth to be better and to see the less than ideal as a bump rather than the whole thing.  They were passionate too.

Another way to articulate this is their perspective was a bit broader.  They didn't seem to just observe the particular low as the only thing.  Rather they seemed to see it as part of the journey.

It makes me think of a puddle.  A puddle is often pretty boring, gross, and something to be avoided.  There's often something there.  A reflection or a plant or a tree that will spring from it.  Something better comes.  It's hard to see. It's there.  There's beauty there and everywhere.  And not just on vacation.  I still remember noticing the flowers in the gutter in Bangkok and people just walking by.  It takes practice to see.  It takes eyes that have been developed to see the beauty in a puddle.

Taher, train your eyes to see.

Tomorrow

We were doing some planning and trying to be prepared about something so practical when dad said, “we’ll worry about tomorrow tomorrow”. It wasn’t some big philosophical statement he was making. It was just his attitude. Wisdom is an attitude. It is his earned way of moving through the world. 

Dad happened to be wearing his Wisconsin hat at the time. It’s just a “W”. I realized then it stands for wise when he wears it. It’s not a hat you can buy at the store. It has to be earned. 

I can see and hear so much more clearly when I’m not at home. If more routine stuff had been going on I would have missed this. There’s so much to learn all around. 

Taher, you don’t need to be away from home. Just listen closely and earn it. 

Miracle

It is a choice to see everything as a miracle.  It's not hard to get there.  Think of anything; it's a miracle.  Literally everything is a miracle.

This passage from my math book many years ago that caught my eye I think articulates this thought process well.  I got a "random hug" that day I still remember.  

---
A person walks past a wall with seemingly random holes in the wall and thinks nothing of it.  Another person comes by and draws a target around each hole with each hole as a perfect bulls-eye and then marvels at the wall.
---

It's about randomness and perspective.  The perspective is something we choose.  We can choose awe.  I've recently thought about this choice as a muscle.  The more it gets exercised the stronger it gets.  And in turn the easier it gets to use.

We've heard the shahadat many times.  There is one part I focused on the other day.  Moula sits near the end without worry.  He trusts 100%.  Nothing is random.  This is the ultimate example.  The more that muscle gets exercised the closer we get to thinking nothing is random and trusting 100%.  We get closer every single time we hear it. 

Taher, how much closer is up to you.

Qablas Sawal

We do this dua to break our rozu every day in Ramadan.  It's probably automatic for most and I think we rarely listen.  There is one part I want to hear and think about every time.  In the dua towards the end and when the rozu is almost over we hear "Qablas Sawal".

Literally, this means before asking.

Like all of the stuff Moula does, there's a lot of meaning here.

What's in our naseeb or what's been fated we didn't ask for.  It was just given to us.  We may do stuff that can affect our naseeb, but every person's naseeb is their naseeb.  We didn't ask.   All that happiness, all that circumstance, all that opportunity, all that health, everything.  It was just given to us.  It's foolish to think we earned or deserve any of it.  It's not even because we prayed for it.  Not in a way we can understand anyway.

There's a much bigger conclusion.  We were born into this situation and given this opportunity to be in the right place at the right time.  Without asking.

Taher, remember the bigger picture and think about "Qablas Sawal" every time you hear it.