Character

I knew the first waaz would be awesome. I learned something that will shift my behavior even before the waaz started. It was repeating behavior for people visiting London. When I first read rules like cross at the cross walk, mind personal space, and let people off the train before you get on, I thought this isn’t for me.

Before the waaz started, some repeated some manners that I was just more ready to internalize. They said if you see someone in need help them. If you see an old person make space. It doesn’t matter if they’re mumin or not. Moula taught you iqlaq or manners. We represent each other. It matters how we behave.

Whoever had the microphone proceeded to say eh logo ne dua kaam lagse. Their dua will benefit us someday and somehow. Moula is also saying behaving well is for us. 

Moula told us in his first bayan to feed the person if they’re wearing fancy clothes or if they’re wearing plain clothes. It doesn’t matter. You never know. There are so many layers to his bayan. One I think is just do the good thing. 

Taher, have the best character you can. It benefits you. 

Decision

I feel good about the decisions I made today. There was a fair amount of FOMO and I really wanted to take advantage of being with all this family today. 

They were all three tough decisions. First was to stay in bed. Getting up early is so natural to me and I knew that breakfast would be so nice. Breakfast with everyone is one of my favorite things about Ashara. Second, was to not go out with everyone in the afternoon. I knew it would be fun. Third was to not go to dinner.  It was already late when it started. 

These each were difficult decisions to make. Put them back-to-back on the same day and it was incredibly difficult. 

The why is so important. Tomorrow is a big day. Waaz starts tomorrow. In each case, it was do the natural and/or fun thing. The consequence is that I would be possibly less attentive in the waaz. Each decision felt like an imtehan. I feel good about how I fared. When framed that way, it was so much easier to make what I know was the right decision for me. 

Taher, frame the situation so that it makes it easier to make the right decision. You often can’t see the reward and it usually comes later. 

Show up

Mom used to tell Zahra to notice the people who were there and not notice the people who weren't.  Zahra shared this wisdom with the kids and me.

Sometimes people will do what they "should" and sometimes they won't.  It'll be disappointing when they don't.  They will always do what they're supposed to do though.

Just as often, perhaps, people will pleasantly surprise you.  It's up to us to notice I guess.  To notice who is there rather than who isn't.

It's such simple and wise sikhaman.  It can be distilled down to see the good and ignore the bad.

Taher, show up and notice who is there.

Cup

There's a great story I want to remember to understand about the importance of being open-minded.  It's a good reminder that learning is forever.

A man seeks guidance, but he just talks and talks.  He explains his question and the context and doesn't stop talking.  The man he seeks guidance from doesn't get irritated.  Instead he makes them tea and fills the other man's cup.  He fills it to the top and then keeps on pouring.  The tea spills.

The man finally stops talking and exclaims about the tea.

The tea is just a demonstration.  The other man explains that your proverbial cup is full.  You need to empty it to allow other stuff to come in.

Your brain is not like your heart I think.  It doesn't just magically grow the way our hearts seem to in order to let more stuff in.  In order to grow, it's necessary to be open.

Taher, remember to make room in your "cup".

Shoes

In a bayan, Moula was making a point.  He was saying be yourself.  Whatever the situation be proud.  Then, as he always seems to, he shared more wisdom with us.  He asked why not take your shoes off in a restaurant. 

He wasn't telling us to take our shoes off.  It wasn't a Farman.  He was simply asking why not do that.

I don't think of myself as smart.  I'm smart enough to listen to Moula even when I don't understand though.  I stopped wearing shoes when I ate from that day.  

That was years ago.  Today I just understood a fraction of the wisdom he shared.  It was something he didn't say in his bayan or at least I didn't catch it.  It was something I learned only by experiencing.  

I was driving and thirsty. My water was within reach. But I had my shoes on. I wanted to have the water, but it didn’t feel right. I wanted to multitask. 

It dawned on me, part of the wisdom of taking your shoes off is just doing the thing. Don’t multitask. I later got seated and I had the water. It was that much better. 

Taher, take your “shoes” off. JUST do the thing. 

Haircut

Yesterday, Yusuf went for a haircut like he's done many times before.  His usual didn't work out so he went to a new place.  He got there and saw the sign that read "cash only".  He didn't have any.  He told the barber I live nearby and I'll be back in ten minutes with some cash.  They said no, no you're here and  just get it afterwards.  

They didn't have any of his info.  They just trusted him.

He was pleasantly surprised and agreed.  Mid-haircut another patron said, "don't worry about it kid".  He paid for Yusuf.  He left a nice tip and left.  The man left no info.  Yusuf didn't have a chance then or a way later to even say thank you.

Yusuf was astounded by these couple events.  He was so excited that he called on the way home to tell us.  And he repeated this story two times in the next hour.  

The first person trusted him and the second person did something nice with not so much as a "thank you" in return.  They did small things and they made someone feel so good.  The first was just good business and the barber was rewarded immediately with a nice tip and now gained a repeat customer.  The second person did something small and probably made two people really happy.  

The cool thing is the man who paid also felt good.  It's quite established in science and medicine.  It's called the helper's high.  He most likely made three people happy.  No doubt it'll get paid forward.

Taher, you don't have to go around paying for peoples' haircuts. But look for those opportunities to be like these two people.  They have no idea how happy and excited they made Yusuf.  It was good business and a good way to treat people.  They made themselves happier in the process too. 

Character

So much of my actuarial training and experience have been about looking at past events. It was frequently in the flavor of the past indicates the future.

This is true sometimes. It’s more true in some situations and less true in others. This line of thinking can be expanded and generalized to fit most everything. 

It doesn’t consider luck though.

The corollary thinking follows that where someone is will indicate where they will be. This doesn’t consider luck either. 

A better predictor is character or adab or ikhlas. This 100% correlates with success. The thing is we just can’t see or understand how it correlates to success, but it does.  And “luck” doesn’t play a part. 

Taher, always choose adab.