Composure

There's going to be highs and lows by definition.  It's natural to want to stay in the high and avoid the low.  This seems like a losing strategy though.  Highs will happen and they'll be great.  There'll be anticipation and a rush.  It'll be natural to want to stay there.  There will be lows too.  Perhaps much more later in life.  Life is maybe designed to be that way.  The lows will suck.  It'll be natural to want to avoid them.

Life is going to be a rollercoaster.  No doubt about it.  Rollercoasters have highs and lows too.  They also have these in between moments.  This is where we live most of the time.  A better strategy is probably to try and make these in between moments longer and better.  We have the ability to change our set point.

Another analogy which I want to remember is that of a see saw.  If you do it "right" you'll be in the middle a lot.  Equanimity will keep you there.

The best strategy seems to be focus on the middle and spend less time at the extremes.  As backwards as it sounds, the best thing seems to be feel the high for a short time; don't eliminate it or avoid it😅.  Also, be in the low for a short time; don't try to eliminate it or avoid it either😅. 

Taher, focus on the middle.

Karbala

One of my very recent posts was about Karbala.  I think I'm beginning to understand the limitlessness of this place and its significance.  More likely, I still have no idea 😁

My dad did something related to Karbala, but he probably won't tell anyone.  I want to brag about it though.  I want to remember 😁 because it is cool and inspiring!

Several months ago dad bought some raffle tickets to support a toloba fundraiser.  The grand prize was a ticket to Karbala.  I doubt dad cared about the prize.  A short time after, he won the prize.  Before we could even wish him mubarak, he found someone who hadn't gone and gave it to them.  Wow!  His first impulse was to pay it forward.

Fast forward to this past weekend...the guy who doesn't come very often found dad and thanked him.  He had gone with his family to Karbala with Moula!  Wow!

Taher, donate it!  Taher, give it!

Martian

As I was on the treadmill this past week, I rewatched the Martian.  It's a fun watch.  The basic idea is that the main character gets stranded for about 2 years on Mars.  For that time, he is the only person on the planet.  Everything he does in service of surviving.  In other words, he does only what's important. He has no distractions and he does nothing other than what is totally necessary.  There's no phone, no tv, no nothing.  He eventually makes it back to Earth.

There is a really cool scene at the end.  He is just sitting on a bench and enjoying some coffee and not doing anything else.  It seems clear that he is engrossed in his drink and what he can see.  He notices a small plant growing out of the ground.  He is even contrasted with people running past.  He has this learned stillness.  The actor does a great job of getting this across.

It's a stillness a person just learns if they've been alone for 2 years.  Does it take 2 years?  Does it take 6 months?  Does it take an hour?  It's something we can learn I think.  Being still is active.  It just takes practice.  We don't have to go so fast.  In fact, slow is almost always better.

The practice part is the hard part.  That's the cold water wuzu at fajr.  The more I practice the more it is apparent that it is written.  Just trust.  What's coming will come.  There are very few things in life that require immediateness.

Taher, be still.  It can probably wait.

Acceptance

I have written about acceptance before. I didn’t really get it then. I do now. Very likely in some years I’ll wonder why I thought that 😅 It was pre COVID and the world hadn’t changed yet.  An injury then made what I’m dealing with more real and that forced me to think. 

The family had gone to Karbala when the world was just opening up in 2021. It was a big lift financially, with the kids at that age, time off from work, and all the usual excuses. Plus COVID! I did it despite and that gave me a new perspective. 

It has been several years and I feel like just now I am seeing a layer of clarity that was never there before. It’s difficult to see the long-term. Our brains don’t think that way. 

I think the path started long ago. However, I can now point to one thing that seemed to be a point of acceleration for the family and me. Rationally, I knew that trip would be good for the family. I didn’t and probably don’t understand how great it would be. 

Things since then have been fantastic on so many fronts. I’ve come to accept things so much more and I’m quite sure it’s made the whole family happier. I’m certain it’s made me happier.  I can trace back so much to that trip. The asar (impression) is massive. 

This is very specific to this trip, but I think the message is much broader and clear. 

Taher, do the hard and good thing. The rewards may not be apparent for years. 

Slack

This year in Ramadan I want to focus on two things.   

The other day I overslept for fajr. It’s the first time in many years I missed doing fajr on time. There are few things that can ruin my day like missing namaz as is probably right.

Fortunately, I got to see and hear Zahra a short time later and my day wasn’t ruined. If I’m honest, missing fajr would have probably ruined my week if not for Zahra.

I have thought about this for a a few days. Once, I learned in sabaq that we can be forgiven for the SAME mistake 1,000 times a day. All we have to do is ask for forgiveness. Astagfirullah. That’s it. We can mess up 1,000 times a day.  Khuda knew we’d mess up all the time every day. Part of his perfect plan is that we would mess up. 

We are supposed to ask. 

Taher, don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes. You were made to mess up. It’s fundamental. 

Care

Every year in Ramadan I like to focus on something.  It's a great opportunity to think clearly about something every single day for a month.  I love this month.  Not taking advantage of this opportunity is a waste.

This year I want to think about caring every day.  Recently, I stopped caring about work.  It's not that I stopped doing work, just my attitude shifted.  I guess I've put more faith into things happening the way they should and probably worrying less about the details.  It has made work so much better.  I'm happier. I work less and produce higher quality work.  I'm less busy though.

I've put my energy into caring more about the things I rationally know to be worth caring about.  This reallocation of my energy has been amazing.  I want to think about this every day in Ramadan and solidify this thinking.

Taher, everything will happen as it should.  Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.  Try to have the wisdom to know the difference.  There's not much you can change.

Socks

I have this picture from early 2021 as my screensaver.  I don't think I'm ever going to change it.  Mom is in it🩷  It's a great picture and a professional portrait.  I love this picture.  Everyone is smiling and looking at the camera. I remember being very happy this February night.  It was frigid outside and we were nice and warm and together inside.

Everyone is matching in blue thanks to Zahra.  Even the buttons Yusuf and I are wearing coordinate.  All Zahra 👍💓  Every detail was considered.

Seeing Mom and Dad make me happy every time.  They are smiling genuine smiles.  Dad wore what he was told down to the coordinating mahki on his kurta saya.  His socks don't match though.  In his defense, no one told him to have matching socks😁.

This reminds me to focus on what's important.  He is genuinely happy to be there.  It shows and his socks don't matter.

I see this picture almost every day.  I can't not see the socks and I have to think about what's important.