Himat

Today, I got to spend some time with Zahra’s dadima. It’s a treat. I see her a couple times a year. For the past couple years she hasn’t known who I am. 

This visit she did. She is old and is easily in her 90s. She quite clearly remembered me this time. She even remembered me multiple times. She’s old, but she’s experienced a whole lot. 

Just like she remembered my name multiple times, she shared some of the wisdom she earned multiple times. In our larger group, “himat hase tho karow” she said. 

Later I sat with her just the two of us.  She called me by name to sit  and she said, “paysa hase tho farak nay pare”. She gestured and added, “ Himat hoi tho karow”. 

She’s old, but so wise.  Wise words. 

Taher, money won’t matter. Do it now!

Patience

I'm like everyone else. Patient sometimes and with some people and less so sometimes and with others.  I try to be more patient all the time.  Like everyone else I imagine.

Today I had the good fortune to help my parents with some tech stuff.  They are older now.  It was probably confusing for them.  It was easy for me, but I went slow and answered questions multiple times.  I hope I was patient.  I'm old enough to have been the person on the other side getting tech help from a much younger person too.

The thing is that I'm sure they were patient with me when I was a kid.   Just like me they had little, and then slightly less little kids.  Yusuf and Nooriya require me to be patient.  Just like I'm sure I needed from my parents.

The future is written.   In a sense, it's already happened and I just don't comprehend.

On the drive home, I realized something.  The patience that I'll get someday is directly related to the patience that I give.  However much patience or not it is, it will come back to me.

Taher, be patient.  You reap what you sow.

Giving

Being kind changes the world. Everyday has this potential. It doesn’t have to be a big thing either. It’s easy to say stuff like, “if I had a billion dollars, I would do all the good things”. 

That’s the thing when it’s big it’s almost easier. Our brains can draw a line from the good thing through to the result. We can see the impact potentially. Nothing wrong with that. Doing big acts of kindness is amazing. 

Giving grows though. Doing some small kindness is almost invisible. It takes faith to know that it’ll grow and move through the world. Trust that it will. 

It’s easier to understand how someone will pay it forward. If person a does something kind for person b, b will do something for c and so on. What’s harder to understand and perhaps more satisfying is when many people independently do a small thing and collectively change someone’s day, week, month, or even life. 

It happens. It’s invisible. Our brains can’t comprehend. 

Taher, do the small kindness every time. It will grow. It is an opportunity. 

Bridges

Another post inspired by song lyrics.  The lyrics are better than I can write.

 

"And what about those shoes you're in today?

They'll do no good on the bridges you burnt along the way”

 

The lyrics are pretty good and this same or similar words show up lots of places.  I think because they’re pretty wise.  I think it’s pretty plain too.

Be nice now, be authentic now, do whatever is good and do it now.  It applies to so much in life.  It’s saying don’t wait.  Don’t think short-term.  It doesn’t matter if you can’t see the long-term benefit.  Have faith that it’ll be there.

Taher, you never know.

Wish

Last night Zahra and I did some adulting.  On the surface, it was a rather boring errand.  We needed to buy a new washing machine.  No doing a bunch of research and no finding the best deal on the internet from our phones.  Just old school going to the store and figuring out what we want and buying it.

I usually refer to these errands as dates.  It's grocery or Costco or something else mundane, but we get to be together.  I find this fun.  This is dating now and I love it.

As I think about it, on most of our errands someone usually has to do stuff.  It's almost always Zahra with a list and getting the stuff our family needs.  Usually, I'm just following and not helping all that much.  Sometimes going slower on purpose so I can make it a few minutes longer:)

This was different though.  There wasn't much to do here.  We saw the few options and walked maybe 100 feet total.  The salesperson was doing his salesperson thing and we were just hanging out.  It was wonderful.  In the middle, the salesperson asked how long we'd been together and commented he was a few years behind and hoped it would be as fun for him.  

As we left, we each said thank you and good night and he said, "Thank you for entertaining me."

He recognized something in the just one hour or so.  I'm sure in his job he sees lots of couples doing the boring thing we were doing.  He saw that we made it fun.  I even talked with Zahra about how nice that was on the way home.

I wish that for Yusuf and Nooriya.  I want them to find a partner they can have fun with years later.  I have the ability to help them find that person and help in other ways too.

Also, I have a lesser influence but a similar ability with so many young people while doing this TNC khidmat.  It's taken years to figure out how to give back, but it's finally clear.  Do this khidmat.  It's frustrating at times, but it has the potential to grant someone their wish.

Taher, spend the time.  You have the ability.

Smile

Smiling is on my mind again.  I wrote about it before.  Yusuf and Nooriya have got me saying, "it's not that deep".  They might even say it about smiling.  But it is that deep.

Almost 30 years ago, I learned the hadees, "Hasto chero mohabat nu jaal che".  It has a lot of layers.  For a long time, I took this very superficially.  Just smile.  That's it.  Not that deep.

It is much deeper.  Having a smiling face among many positive things changes my perspective.  There's not much in my life that I can do so regularly and so easily that alters perspective.  

This has a bunch of layers.  Very likely much more than I understand.  Samjo tho samjo, na samjo tho na samjo.  I'm ok with not understanding.  I know in my bones there's more.

Besides, I want people to think of me and remember me as that smiley guy.  "Oh him?  The guy who smiles all the time, right?"  If anyone thought that, it would make me so happy.

Taher, I've reminded you before, smile more.  In case you need any help here are two things that will always make you smile.

Legacy

I’m thinking about parents and all the things they’re leaving behind. I have some of the most generous parents.  My dad went above and beyond in ways that I still don’t understand. That’s how people remember him. 

My other mom and dad are two of the most generous people I’ve ever met. They also gained skills professionally that could help people. My mom is a doctor and my dad is an accountant. On top of being extremely generous, they acquired skills that basically every person needs assistance with. 

My biggest regret was that I didn’t do something professionally that could help people. I can occasionally and I jump at the chance. It doesn’t happen often though. No one needs an actuary. 

I love TNC khidmat.  It’s really rewarding and importantly I devote the time. I didn’t realize it until just recently. I do a TNC khidmat that pretty much everyone needs and it can change their life. It’s potentially the kind of impact my parents have. And I’m good at this khidmat. I only can devote so much time to it because my job allows. I just never saw it for so many years. 

It’s so satisfying and fun, but also helps people hopefully be happy for their whole life.

Taher, keep putting in the time. This is legacy stuff.