Smile

Smiling is on my mind again.  I wrote about it before.  Yusuf and Nooriya have got me saying, "it's not that deep".  They might even say it about smiling.  But it is that deep.

Almost 30 years ago, I learned the hadees, "Hasto chero mohabat nu jaal che".  It has a lot of layers.  For a long time, I took this very superficially.  Just smile.  That's it.  Not that deep.

It is much deeper.  Having a smiling face among many positive things changes my perspective.  There's not much in my life that I can do so regularly and so easily that alters perspective.  

This has a bunch of layers.  Very likely much more than I understand.  Samjo tho samjo, na samjo tho na samjo.  I'm ok with not understanding.  I know in my bones there's more.

Besides, I want people to think of me and remember me as that smiley guy.  "Oh him?  The guy who smiles all the time, right?"  If anyone thought that, it would make me so happy.

Taher, I've reminded you before, smile more.  In case you need any help here are two things that will always make you smile.

Legacy

I’m thinking about parents and all the things they’re leaving behind. I have some of the most generous parents.  My dad went above and beyond in ways that I still don’t understand. That’s how people remember him. 

My other mom and dad are two of the most generous people I’ve ever met. They also gained skills professionally that could help people. My mom is a doctor and my dad is an accountant. On top of being extremely generous, they acquired skills that basically every person needs assistance with. 

My biggest regret was that I didn’t do something professionally that could help people. I can occasionally and I jump at the chance. It doesn’t happen often though. No one needs an actuary. 

I love TNC khidmat.  It’s really rewarding and importantly I devote the time. I didn’t realize it until just recently. I do a TNC khidmat that pretty much everyone needs and it can change their life. It’s potentially the kind of impact my parents have. And I’m good at this khidmat. I only can devote so much time to it because my job allows. I just never saw it for so many years. 

It’s so satisfying and fun, but also helps people hopefully be happy for their whole life.

Taher, keep putting in the time. This is legacy stuff. 

Easy

Zahra and I had the chance to go be counselors at the taaruf this weekend.  It was wonderful.  The moalim there was the EMCEE for one of the games.  He was very charismatic and cool.  He connected with the kids in a way that made Zahra and I both notice.  We talked about how we both noticed.  Yusuf and Nooriya had wonderful moalims who loved the kids and connected with the kids in different ways.  This moalim was once a kid just like them and was able to really lean into that.

Later, we found him and told him how impressed we were.

In that conversation, Zahra very sweetly complimented me and said about some deen stuff, "...he makes it look easy."  I wasn't trying to be modest or anything like that.  My reaction was to say something like no I don't.  The moalim said to us both, "someone has to make it look easy, it's a good thing."

This interaction stuck with me.  Why did it though?  I thought about my reaction more later.  I wasn't saying I don't, because it doesn't feel easy.  It isn't.  Whatever it is -rozu, namaz, doing what Moula says sometimes without understanding.  It's not easy.  

Other people see.   Yusuf and Nooriya see.  It gives others the strength/courage/permission/whatever to do it too.  This guy at Dunkin made it look easy.

Taher, make it look easy.

Coach

I was watching a part of a movie with Yusuf.  It was about a coach and his team of underdogs.  It was very cliche and predictable.  There was a scene where the team was at a cross roads and a student gets up and recites a poem.  It is supposed to be inspirational.  It made sense, but it was very cheesy.  It was kind of lazy by the screenwriter actually.

The poem was really good though.  I even asked Yusuf to rewind so I could listen again.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

....

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

....

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.”

The coach didn't say anything.  He JUST listened.  I thought about it more after.  This was a pretty awesome response.  

When we share our thoughts or opinions or comments we make an assumption.  We assume that whoever else wants to hear that.  I'm not saying that's good or bad.  It's more clear when the opinion is advice.  Unless asked, the assumption is that they want advice.  That can be unwelcome.

The just listening response is often the best response.

Taher, be the coach and just listen more.

Bears Game

Today I had the chance to take Yusuf to his first game. It was wonderful and also the game was great. The Bears won👍

I think it may be the beginning of a new tradition. That’s not what I want to write about though. We will both remember this game day just fine. 

I did namaz at soldier field. There were a ton of people. I found a place with relatively fewer people. I’ve learned not to care much. Still lots of people, but no big deal. I’ve done this now many times before. 

Most of them had pregamed a fair amount. It felt safe, but a bit different than the other times. 

As I was doing Asar, a guy yelled at me. He yelled a second time. He was feet away and probably had a beer in his hand. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t even see him. 

I felt proud all day. This A hole didn’t stop me. He hardly affected me. I didn’t let him deter me from doing the right thing. I didn’t even see him. 

But I heard him. I thought all day about him. Tonight, I realized that I shouldn’t feel proud. I feel silly in fact. I heard him clearly and he did distract me even if I didn’t look. 

I can see myself reading this later and thinking, “this is pretty good”.  So?

Taher, pretty good can be better. 

Next

It is early November and it was time for me to clean out the garden and get it ready for the spring. I pulled out the growth and mowed it up. It was sad. I knew I was doing the right thing, but I also felt like I was destroying this thing that I had nurtured for so much time over months. I’ve come to love gardening. 

I’m excited for next year and what’s to come. I learned so much this year and am excited to do a better job next time. I'm excited to share more next time.

There’s so much more and better to do and to come. 

I love gardening. It teaches me so much. 

Taher, there’s more to come. There will be a next. 

Mason

There's a good story about service mindset that I want to reread.  The story came up in a work context, but it applies much more broadly.

The story is about three masons who do exactly the same job.  Their mindsets are clearly different though.

Each mason was asked what it is they do.

The first said simply that they laid brick.  The second said that they laid brick to build a wall.  The third said that they laid brick to build a wall around the most beautiful cathedral.  

Clearly, the third mason has the best mindset.  It's not only that he does his work with a higher purpose.  He has the most service mindset.  He's doing his work in service of something bigger and he sees the work itself as service.  This khidmat mindset is what gives the work purpose.

Taher, have a khidmat mindset and be the third mason.