Wish

Last night Zahra and I did some adulting.  On the surface, it was a rather boring errand.  We needed to buy a new washing machine.  No doing a bunch of research and no finding the best deal on the internet from our phones.  Just old school going to the store and figuring out what we want and buying it.

I usually refer to these errands as dates.  It's grocery or Costco or something else mundane, but we get to be together.  I find this fun.  This is dating now and I love it.

As I think about it, on most of our errands someone usually has to do stuff.  It's almost always Zahra with a list and getting the stuff our family needs.  Usually, I'm just following and not helping all that much.  Sometimes going slower on purpose so I can make it a few minutes longer:)

This was different though.  There wasn't much to do here.  We saw the few options and walked maybe 100 feet total.  The salesperson was doing his salesperson thing and we were just hanging out.  It was wonderful.  In the middle, the salesperson asked how long we'd been together and commented he was a few years behind and hoped it would be as fun for him.  

As we left, we each said thank you and good night and he said, "Thank you for entertaining me."

He recognized something in the just one hour or so.  I'm sure in his job he sees lots of couples doing the boring thing we were doing.  He saw that we made it fun.  I even talked with Zahra about how nice that was on the way home.

I wish that for Yusuf and Nooriya.  I want them to find a partner they can have fun with years later.  I have the ability to help them find that person and help in other ways too.

Also, I have a lesser influence but a similar ability with so many young people while doing this TNC khidmat.  It's taken years to figure out how to give back, but it's finally clear.  Do this khidmat.  It's frustrating at times, but it has the potential to grant someone their wish.

Taher, spend the time.  You have the ability.

Smile

Smiling is on my mind again.  I wrote about it before.  Yusuf and Nooriya have got me saying, "it's not that deep".  They might even say it about smiling.  But it is that deep.

Almost 30 years ago, I learned the hadees, "Hasto chero mohabat nu jaal che".  It has a lot of layers.  For a long time, I took this very superficially.  Just smile.  That's it.  Not that deep.

It is much deeper.  Having a smiling face among many positive things changes my perspective.  There's not much in my life that I can do so regularly and so easily that alters perspective.  

This has a bunch of layers.  Very likely much more than I understand.  Samjo tho samjo, na samjo tho na samjo.  I'm ok with not understanding.  I know in my bones there's more.

Besides, I want people to think of me and remember me as that smiley guy.  "Oh him?  The guy who smiles all the time, right?"  If anyone thought that, it would make me so happy.

Taher, I've reminded you before, smile more.  In case you need any help here are two things that will always make you smile.

Legacy

I’m thinking about parents and all the things they’re leaving behind. I have some of the most generous parents.  My dad went above and beyond in ways that I still don’t understand. That’s how people remember him. 

My other mom and dad are two of the most generous people I’ve ever met. They also gained skills professionally that could help people. My mom is a doctor and my dad is an accountant. On top of being extremely generous, they acquired skills that basically every person needs assistance with. 

My biggest regret was that I didn’t do something professionally that could help people. I can occasionally and I jump at the chance. It doesn’t happen often though. No one needs an actuary. 

I love TNC khidmat.  It’s really rewarding and importantly I devote the time. I didn’t realize it until just recently. I do a TNC khidmat that pretty much everyone needs and it can change their life. It’s potentially the kind of impact my parents have. And I’m good at this khidmat. I only can devote so much time to it because my job allows. I just never saw it for so many years. 

It’s so satisfying and fun, but also helps people hopefully be happy for their whole life.

Taher, keep putting in the time. This is legacy stuff. 

Easy

Zahra and I had the chance to go be counselors at the taaruf this weekend.  It was wonderful.  The moalim there was the EMCEE for one of the games.  He was very charismatic and cool.  He connected with the kids in a way that made Zahra and I both notice.  We talked about how we both noticed.  Yusuf and Nooriya had wonderful moalims who loved the kids and connected with the kids in different ways.  This moalim was once a kid just like them and was able to really lean into that.

Later, we found him and told him how impressed we were.

In that conversation, Zahra very sweetly complimented me and said about some deen stuff, "...he makes it look easy."  I wasn't trying to be modest or anything like that.  My reaction was to say something like no I don't.  The moalim said to us both, "someone has to make it look easy, it's a good thing."

This interaction stuck with me.  Why did it though?  I thought about my reaction more later.  I wasn't saying I don't, because it doesn't feel easy.  It isn't.  Whatever it is -rozu, namaz, doing what Moula says sometimes without understanding.  It's not easy.  

Other people see.   Yusuf and Nooriya see.  It gives others the strength/courage/permission/whatever to do it too.  This guy at Dunkin made it look easy.

Taher, make it look easy.

Coach

I was watching a part of a movie with Yusuf.  It was about a coach and his team of underdogs.  It was very cliche and predictable.  There was a scene where the team was at a cross roads and a student gets up and recites a poem.  It is supposed to be inspirational.  It made sense, but it was very cheesy.  It was kind of lazy by the screenwriter actually.

The poem was really good though.  I even asked Yusuf to rewind so I could listen again.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

....

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

....

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.”

The coach didn't say anything.  He JUST listened.  I thought about it more after.  This was a pretty awesome response.  

When we share our thoughts or opinions or comments we make an assumption.  We assume that whoever else wants to hear that.  I'm not saying that's good or bad.  It's more clear when the opinion is advice.  Unless asked, the assumption is that they want advice.  That can be unwelcome.

The just listening response is often the best response.

Taher, be the coach and just listen more.

Bears Game

Today I had the chance to take Yusuf to his first game. It was wonderful and also the game was great. The Bears won👍

I think it may be the beginning of a new tradition. That’s not what I want to write about though. We will both remember this game day just fine. 

I did namaz at soldier field. There were a ton of people. I found a place with relatively fewer people. I’ve learned not to care much. Still lots of people, but no big deal. I’ve done this now many times before. 

Most of them had pregamed a fair amount. It felt safe, but a bit different than the other times. 

As I was doing Asar, a guy yelled at me. He yelled a second time. He was feet away and probably had a beer in his hand. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t even see him. 

I felt proud all day. This A hole didn’t stop me. He hardly affected me. I didn’t let him deter me from doing the right thing. I didn’t even see him. 

But I heard him. I thought all day about him. Tonight, I realized that I shouldn’t feel proud. I feel silly in fact. I heard him clearly and he did distract me even if I didn’t look. 

I can see myself reading this later and thinking, “this is pretty good”.  So?

Taher, pretty good can be better. 

Next

It is early November and it was time for me to clean out the garden and get it ready for the spring. I pulled out the growth and mowed it up. It was sad. I knew I was doing the right thing, but I also felt like I was destroying this thing that I had nurtured for so much time over months. I’ve come to love gardening. 

I’m excited for next year and what’s to come. I learned so much this year and am excited to do a better job next time. I'm excited to share more next time.

There’s so much more and better to do and to come. 

I love gardening. It teaches me so much. 

Taher, there’s more to come. There will be a next.