Bears Game

Today I had the chance to take Yusuf to his first game. It was wonderful and also the game was great. The Bears won👍

I think it may be the beginning of a new tradition. That’s not what I want to write about though. We will both remember this game day just fine. 

I did namaz at soldier field. There were a ton of people. I found a place with relatively fewer people. I’ve learned not to care much. Still lots of people, but no big deal. I’ve done this now many times before. 

Most of them had pregamed a fair amount. It felt safe, but a bit different than the other times. 

As I was doing Asar, a guy yelled at me. He yelled a second time. He was feet away and probably had a beer in his hand. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t even see him. 

I felt proud all day. This A hole didn’t stop me. He hardly affected me. I didn’t let him deter me from doing the right thing. I didn’t even see him. 

But I heard him. I thought all day about him. Tonight, I realized that I shouldn’t feel proud. I feel silly in fact. I heard him clearly and he did distract me even if I didn’t look. 

I can see myself reading this later and thinking, “this is pretty good”.  So?

Taher, pretty good can be better. 

Next

It is early November and it was time for me to clean out the garden and get it ready for the spring. I pulled out the growth and mowed it up. It was sad. I knew I was doing the right thing, but I also felt like I was destroying this thing that I had nurtured for so much time over months. I’ve come to love gardening. 

I’m excited for next year and what’s to come. I learned so much this year and am excited to do a better job next time. I'm excited to share more next time.

There’s so much more and better to do and to come. 

I love gardening. It teaches me so much. 

Taher, there’s more to come. There will be a next. 

Mason

There's a good story about service mindset that I want to reread.  The story came up in a work context, but it applies much more broadly.

The story is about three masons who do exactly the same job.  Their mindsets are clearly different though.

Each mason was asked what it is they do.

The first said simply that they laid brick.  The second said that they laid brick to build a wall.  The third said that they laid brick to build a wall around the most beautiful cathedral.  

Clearly, the third mason has the best mindset.  It's not only that he does his work with a higher purpose.  He has the most service mindset.  He's doing his work in service of something bigger and he sees the work itself as service.  This khidmat mindset is what gives the work purpose.

Taher, have a khidmat mindset and be the third mason.

Model

This post is for me and Yusuf and Nooriya when they one day become parents inshallah.

This is a reminder that kids and babies won't "read the book".  People will give you advice on parenting.  People seem to love doing that.  There are plenty of books to teach parenting and influencers and no shortage of people telling you their often unsolicited tips.  It's sometimes annoying.  People are supposed to be annoying sometimes.  Remember, the kids are not the same as theirs or those kids in the books.  They may not respond the way "the book" says they should.  

It's more than just kids.  It's all people.  They will not respond the way they should or the way you expect sometimes.

That's ok.

Back to kids...they will be kids.  And they will always observe your example.  For good and bad, they will see and it will leave an impression.  There's a lot that you'll not be able to control.  More and more I'm learning.  I expect I'll learn more.  I hope I will.  All signs point to understanding that less stuff is in our control.  The thing you can control is your example.

It's ok to have emotions.  It's not ok to act out of them.  Especially anger.  Being angry is fine, but acting out of anger is never ok.  Moula has told us many times gusso ne maro.  This is as wise as it is simple.  Not easy though.  Moula wouldn't repeat it if it was.  Gusso ne maro is not a command to never get angry, rather it's loving advice to take a beat and not be controlled by it.

Taher, the kids aren't young anymore, but they're still watching.  Do the thing.

Discomfort

A while back I started taking cold showers sometimes.  It was very uncomfortable.  I wasn't trying to punish myself or anything.  I thought there might be some health benefits that might come at some point.  It stopped being so uncomfortable.  It became a chance to sit in discomfort and I looked forward to it.  Sorta.  It never became comfortable, but it did help me hone my ability to stay calm under stress.  It was hard and then it wasn't that hard.

I want to remember this.  

I've dealt with work stress for years.  I've written about work stress many times.  The same stress that I'm sure everyone feels.  Rationally I know, and my guess is so do most people, that it will pass and work is not something as high on the priority list as so many other things.  It's easy to "know" this, but it's so hard to remember this in the moment.  It's not easy to not get stressed out sometimes.  Still, I keep reminding myself to keep my priorities in order.

The other day, as so many days, work stresses came.  This time was different.  It was like I had a shield and the stress was blocked.  I didn't need to "remember".  It was just my reaction.

The way to this reaction was discomfort.  Just like the cold shower.  Discomfort for discomfort's sake.  It expands the comfort zone.

My point is that stuff is hard, but then it's not.  Let this guy remind me to do it anyway.  Taher, it's hard and do not only despite it being hard, but also sometimes because it's hard.

Search

Istafada is over. I’m on the way home and thinking about the past week. It’s not been that long, but I’m ready to go home and do more to learn more. 

My “cup” is full. It won’t get emptied so I can come back next year. It’ll get bigger. And then it’ll get filled again. This beautiful cycle will. 

I no longer feel frustrated when I hear something like aenda bayan awse inshallah. Rather, I feel excited. 

I’m leaving knowing that the truth is not somewhere in the distance. It never was. I’m searching for it and know where to look. 

Taher, the search is the point. 

Speed

Thamakun si. There’s a lot of meaning to these words that I’m realizing. 

Speed makes such a difference. Such a difference here in Surat, such a difference in life, such a difference on earth. Sabr is the right speed. This means slow almost all the time. Not fast. 

Going fast is not an option anymore. Alhamdolillah. Going slow doesn’t have to be the default though. It can be a choice. You get where you’re going when you get there and you get what you get when you get there. 

Taher, do what you can do. Get there slowly. 

Smile

Something I learned a long time ago is at the forefront of my mind. “Hasto chero mohabat nu jaal che” or a smiling face is love’s web. 

This means a lot. Love is a trap. 

A genuine smile is more than moving some muscles in your face though. A smile is borne from the soul and borne from love. It just manifests on your face sometimes. 

Taher, it only takes one thing. A person may share something or go through something. It might be appropriate to say something. It might not. It may be appropriate to smile with your face. It usually is. Sometimes it may not be though. It is always appropriate to smile with your soul.  

The other person will “see”. Trust. One hundred percent they will. 

Perhaps trap isn’t the right word. You want to get stuck in this.  

Taher, smile more.