Helper

Helping is not zero sum and it is not reciprocal.  It is not a good mindset to help because that person helped me so I should help them or I'll help when I'm all set and able.  Helping doesn't work like that.  Just like you should be happy for someone else because they got something even if you wanted it.  Helping is the same way.  Helping isn't if they get something then I won't.  It's not zero sum.  In fact, I believe it is additive.  Help and nobody has less.  We all win.

There was a cool psychology study I learned about recently.  People were given some money.  Some were asked to buy something for themselves and other asked to give the money away.  The study concluded that the people who gave the money away were noticeably happier.  WOW!  The cool thing about this study is some people were given alot and some a little.  Those that gave away alot were not noticeably happier than those that gave away less.  It didn't matter how much you helped.  Helping any amount translated to happiness.

I recently had the chance to help some friends with some visa stuff.  It was some time, but it was much easier for me to do.  I was able to help and it felt so good.  My friends were appreciative sure, but that had little to do with how I felt.

Taher, remember how it feels to help.  Taher, you will get more than you give.  Give generously.

Environment

Context, I've learned, is a large part of communication.  The context affects so much of the listening and the talking.  The ability to listen well depends on your context.  If I have to go to the bathroom, I won't be a good listener.  I just won't.  Among other things I'll just be distracted.  Even if it's socially awkward or odd to stop a conversation it's worth it, because it's easy to tell if someone isn't listening.

Taher, do what you need.  Interrupt the conversation if you have to.  It will always be the better thing to do.

Context is just as important when doing the talking.  People are often stressed for different reasons.  Even mild stress can affect your communication all the while having nothing to do with the other person.  An easy example to understand is talking on the phone while in traffic.  No one likes traffic.  It's mildly stressful and can be very annoying when some other driver drives poorly or is inconsiderate.  This will 100% affect the way you speak on the phone.  The traffic has nothing to do with the other person, but they may get an annoyed and quickly irritated phone conversation.

Taher, mind your environment.

Response Science

The ability to control my actions has always been a focus of mine.  Whether in sports as a kid or in my older age in conversations.  Intuitively, I know that reaction is instinctual and that it comes first and response comes later.  I confirmed that thought with this cool model of the brain I learned about recently.

Basically, a thing happens and our brain processes that thing.  The thing goes through our brain first in the parts we have little control of and eventually to the thinking part.  All people are like this.  It's fascinating.

Taher, take your time.  It takes time to get to the thinking part.  Respond, don't react. 

Taher, be patient.  It takes time for others to get to the thinking part.  That's how their brain works.