Happy

World Happiness Day was this past week.  I think it's cool that's a thing.  It's pretty remarkable to think about.  The entire world has a day to reflect on happiness and primarily their own happiness.  At first, I thought that's kind of self-centered.  As I learned more that's just not true.  Or at least it's not strictly true.  

I learned there is some research out there showing that happier people are more likely to do things to help other people.  This gave me a whole new perspective about shukr and another reason why it's good to have.  I used to think that the goal was to be happy and that shukr was how to get there.  It still is; that's right.  I was a bit conflicted about the goal of being happy.  That's not the end.  Being happy makes space to do things for others which in turn make us happier.  It's a wonderful circle; not a line.

Taher, be happy.  It's good for others.

Job

Everybody has a job.  People have a different job at different times.  That other person's job may be to be difficult.  That guy in the cars job may be to drive poorly.  The parent's job is to calmly deal with their angry kid.  Everyone has a job.  They might be different jobs at different times and for different reasons.  There's no need to be influenced and act differently because the people around you are doing this or that.  The people around you may make it easier or more difficult to do your job.  No need to sweat what they do or don't do; they are just doing their job.  Your job is to be a good human.

Taher, do your job.

Hard

We've heard good things come to those who wait.  It feels correct.  I've thought about that recently.  Doing good things are hard and often hard to do and they take time.  Sometimes it's hard to have Sabr, but it's it's really good to.  It's hard to do hifz, but it's really good to and it can take a lot of time.  I've heard in waaz many times that it's more sawab to do wudu with cold water.  It feels like recently it was added that it's more sawab to do that for fajr namaz.

That has a lot of layers.  Very literally, it's using cold water. That's easy to understand.  One layer I've been stuck on for a while is that you should do it because it prepares you for a good thing despite being hard to do.

I've gotten another layer of understanding.  I no longer think it's about preparation.  Doing the hard thing is good.  It takes consistency to do it and do it well.  It takes practice just like hifz or working out or making any progress in anything.  In many contexts, consistency is another word for practice.  

Taher, do the hard thing not because there's something good that comes after.  Do the hard thing because the hard thing is the good thing.

Moment

Life has a lot of frustration.  It's easy to be overwhelmed.  It's also up to us.  We get to decide if the moment will dictate our reaction or the other way around.  I always hear stuff like live in the moment or be in the moment.  That leaves out that we have a say in what kind of moment that is.  Don't be overwhelmed by the moment.

I wrote about taking a 5 minutes break 20 years ago.  It was one of my first posts and one of the wisest it seems.  

Taher, take your advice

Sabr

Every year before ramdaan I like to focus on one thing for the month.  A few months ago we heard a waaz dedicated to the idea of Sabr.  Ramadaan was far off in the future then😊, but the waaz stayed with me.  I used to think this word simply meant patience.  It has many layers and means so much more.  The central theme of the waaz was Sabr is core to being mumin.

Sabr among other things to me now means to me controlling your mind.  After all, that's probably the only thing we can control.  I'm realizing our body is not even in our control as much as I believed it was when I was younger.

I think a point of rozu is to remind of this idea of Sabr.  Not simply patience.  Rozu for a long time has not been about not eating for me.  The eating part has become a smaller part of rozu every year.  The not eating part is a reminder that eating is our choice.  We have the urge to eat or do anything and it's up to us to to decide in our mind if we will or not.

This year when I'm hungry, I'll let that be a reminder to think about Sabr.  The not eating part is easy; the Sabr part isn't.

Taher, have Sabr. 

Consent

I usually think of this as something external. It’s something you give or don’t give. It doesn’t have to be external though. It applies to emotions too or at least some of them sometimes. It’s my mind telling me that I’m overwhelmed, or frustrated, angry, or happy. There’s a lot of “stuff” that is happening and contributing. That will probably always be true. 

The thing though is it’s a choice to feel whatever. I don’t want to oversimplify and circumstance is important, but in many cases it’s on us to choose how we feel or don’t feel. 

Taher, choose to feel thankful and don’t give yourself consent to feel angry. 

Stoicism

This philosophy is pretty complex. It often gets associated with simply not showing emotion. It’s about so much more. 

Importantly, it examines control in depth. I’ve thought a lot about control and over the years. Stoicism talks about defining what is in your control and importantly what isn’t. It says to respond to what’s in your control and not so much to the rest.

It makes clearer what’s not in your control. Maybe obviously, other people, but also your reputation and even your own body. Interestingly, for each thing not in your control there is a complimentary thing in your control. You can’t control what is said to you, but you can control how you think about it. You can’t control if your body doesn’t cooperate, but there is something you can control. 

For everything external there is something internal.  Focus on the internal.

Taher, react aand respond appropriately.

Beauty

Learning only seems to make things better. 

Everyone appreciates a rainbow. It looks beautiful and that’s easy to see. Learning the physics that creates a rainbow makes it even more beautiful. Learning more about the optics makes it even more beautiful. Everything seems to be this way. Beauty has layers. Learning more only reveals more layers. It only goes one direction. 

Taher, learn more. It will only make things that are beautiful more beautiful. 

Confidence

I remember being full of confidence.  Most of it unearned.  In my teens and 20s I was even cocky.  I was confident I was good at this or that and alhamdolillah I had a lot of positive feedback.  

I'm probably not old yet, but I'm older.  I'm no longer good at those things I was good at in my teens and 20s.  Many of them were physical.  I'm not even a shadow of that person who was good at stuff because of my physical ability.  The other thing that I was weirdly good at was school and tests.  It served me well.  It doesn’t matter much now though. 

Alhamdolillah Yusuf and Nooriya both have even more of a physical gift that I had as a teen and they are both really good at school stuff.  Inshallah it will serve them well too. 

I’ve come to be confident in a different way. It’s probably not very original, but I’m super confident I’m the right person for Zahra and Yusuf and Nooriya.

Today Nooriya did awesome at gymnastics. Yesterday Yusuf showed off some of his crazy results from going to the gym. I’m feeling a lot of pride. I’m also realizing it’s a good example to set being confident. It’s not pride because I somehow don’t deserve it. Taher, be confident that you do deserve it. You deserve what you have and what you get. 

Be proud especially if moula gives it to you.  We rarely understand and that’s life.  It’s not a straight line.  Be confident if moula gives you his wisdom that it’s right  Be proud to have a dari and wear a topi  Be proud to do what moula has said and given raza for. It shows and people notice.   

Be confident. Be proud. The kids are watching. 

Thanksgiving

I heard an amazing true story example of something I want to be reminded of later and often. A man was new to this country and didn’t know what Thanksgiving was. A nice person invited him over for Thanksgiving dinner. Years later he became financially successful. For over 30 years he’s been donating and handing out turkeys on Thanksgiving. 

This is powerful. One nice thing…

Taher, pay it forward whenever you can. You never know. Do what Taylor Swift says and make Karma a relaxing thought. 

Superpower

I recently thought of something I have to offer as a superpower. It took me years, but I figured out what mine is. For a lot of years, it’s been tough to accept this thing that I have. It elicited many different emotions. For the first couple years those emotions were dominated by anger, frustration, and sadness. 

Many people for some reason share what they’ve got going on with me and sometimes that prompted me to share too. It felt good every time I shared. 

And just the other day, I realized I can share my thing and maybe make someone feel how I felt or prompt them to share with someone else. I am realizing this thing I thought sucks has become my superpower. I can share. 

Taher it may seem like it stinks. Even for years. It’s part of the plan though. There’s something you just don’t see. 

Wise

 I heard a song for the first time in years.  It was popular when I was in high school.  I must have heard in 1,000 times then.  I missed this lyric every time though. And I heard it just now and it stuck with me.

"

For the life of me, I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise 

"

I have thought about wisdom over the years.  Mostly I've thought about how I shouldn't fool myself into thinking that I have any.  This lyric was eye opening for me.  Basically, I think it's saying you can never be wise and that you'll always look back and wonder why you thought that.  It's a paradox.  The only way to be wise is to believe you aren't.  It's humbling and elegant.

Taher, you are not wise.  Don't believe or think you are.  Listen.

All things

It took me many years to learn and even longer to accept. After a long time I understood that you can’t be all things to anyone. Sorry I didn’t figure that out sooner Zahra. There are things you can be. Be great at that. Facilitate the things you can’t be. There’s a fair amount of advice in this post; it’s mostly for me. 

Taher, excel at the things you can be. Don’t try to be the other stuff. 

Happy List

I usually am not a fan of self-help style lists. I really liked this one. I wanted to put it here and remember it. I edited it a little for brevity, but didn’t change it. 

Taher, read this once in a while. It’s a good reminder. 

11 habits that will make you happier than 98% of people:

1. Take Care of Your Health

You only get one mind and one body.  Both must last you a lifetime.  Without it, you have nothing.

2. Give Sincere Appreciation

Practice gratitude daily.  It helps you keep things in perspective.

3. Pay it Forward

Studies show random acts of kindness improve well-being.

You can practice paying it forward by:

• Holding the door for someone

• Picking up trash outside

• Giving a compliment

One simple action can alter the trajectory of your day.

4. Choose Optimism

But in the long run, optimists are the ones who live a life they’re proud of.

5. Reduce Your Wants

It is not the man who has too little that is poor.

6. Don't Compare Yourself to Others

Comparison is the thief of joy.  Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

7. Ignore the Nonessential

There is always a new opportunity or distraction available.  But in the long run, it will be those who can stay focused on what’s most important who will be most successful.

8. Constantly Read

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies.Books give you access to the: 

• Thoughts

• Stories

• Philosophies 

of those who came before you.

9. Prioritize Growth

There is no such thing as stagnant.  A 1% improvement in a day is a 3,700% improvement in a year.

10. Write Daily 

Putting your thoughts on paper forces you to organize them.  If you lack understanding, it will expose gaps in your thinking.  Use writing to sharpen your thinking and increase your brainspace.

11. Practice Meditation 

Take 10 minutes a day to be present and observe your thoughts.

Random

I was able to do a random act of kindness this morning. I came to Panera after a busy morning to get some coffee. I noticed that there were no paper towels in the bathroom. Something the guy washing his hands would find out momentarily. I stepped out to quickly get a stack of napkins to give some to him and leave for the next person. It was small, but it made me feel good. The universe even rewarded me it seems with some free coffee later😁

The opportunity presented itself and doing something kind made me feel good. It turned my busy, not-so-wonderful morning into a nice morning.

Taher, look for the opportunity to do something kind. The opportunities are out there. It makes you feel good. 

Response

There’s a nuance to control. There’s nuance to freedom and fate. Freedom and fate can be viewed as contradictory. I don’t think that’s right. They are circular and humans just can’t understand them. We can choose our response. 

Viktor Frankl is a holocaust survivor. It’s unimaginable what he went through and dealt with. Despite all that he had seen, he believed there’s a choice. 

He said, “Between the stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our responses. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” A reaction is almost instinctual and doesn’t use one of our greatest gifts, thought. Think then respond.

Taher, respond don’t react.

Top 5

Yusuf and Nooriya, this whole blog is for you and Zahra.  This post is specifically for you.

You both inspire me in different ways.  That has helped shape the way I act.  You're both teenagers and somehow how I behave seems more important.  I don't actually know.  That's probably important at most ages.  These teen years seem formative in a way other ages weren't.  I was thinking about that recently and how to articulate my behavior came in to clearer focus for me recently.

It's my goal to be in your top 5 later in life.  When you count on your one hand I want to be included in a couple of things.  I want to be in your top 5 friends.  I want to be in your top 5 role models.  I want to be in the top 5 people you love most.  I want to be in your top 5 good influences.  I want to be in your top 5 best people. 

Taher, do it if it gets you closer to being in the top 5.

Equanimity

I've known this word for a while.  I just recently looked it up when I was trying to articulate what it meant.  I always thought it meant something I would describe as being cool.  I really like this word after looking it up.  The definition I found was mental calmness especially in a difficult situation.

This motivates me to have this quality more.  My mind could always be calmer, especially when it's a stressful situation.  People around notice and imitate the reactions they see.  Help normalize calm.

Taher, keep you cool and be mentally calm.  Remember the kids are watching; set an example.

Give it away

A key to happiness is to be around happy people. The people who surround us shape us.  Moula gives us wise counsel to pick your company carefully. If the people around you are happy that’s good for your happiness. Happiness is circular that way. 

This is why it’s so important to make others happy. Especially those around you. If you have happiness, give it to others. It’ll come back to you. 

Taher, give it away. 

More Jewels

Last year I got a a lot out of waaz. In addition to the many benefits of being there, I retained some simple take aways from last year. They were simple. Be generous, be thankful, and forgive. 

This year like last year was full of depth that’s hard to articulate. The asar is as powerful as it was last year. It’s made the be thankful take away from last year deeper. Simply, shukr isn’t only being happy with what you have it’s wanting more so you can do more. 

I have a couple simple take aways from this year so far. They are love and honesty. Not complicated, but very deep. I look forward to understanding these simple ideas more deeply next year or in the future just as shukr has more dimension for me now.

Taher, be honest. Taher, show love.