Cemetery Gates

 I have been to the qabrastan many times and the circumstances for going there always sucked.  I reflected on the qabrastan many years ago.  I thought about how it really sucked and yet it was cathartic and reminded me of what was important.  I vividly remember when I wrote this so long ago not thinking about myself being buried, but rather how many times I might have to do the burying.  I also vowed then to come back to visit the peaceful place when the circumstances didn't suck so much.

After many years, today I finally did go when it didn't suck so much.  It was the first time I was able to go and look at all the gravestones without a crowd of people and being there while someone was being buried.  I was still given a sense of focus though.  I had the chance to look at the many gravestones and think I knew that person and that person and that person...It was heartbreaking.  

I got the end of the people I knew and saw a name I recognized.  It was my friend's mom.  I was a little kid.  I was too young to remember much in detail, but I remember her and I remember the whole thing being sad.  I then noticed the dates.  She was 37 when she died.  What?! I then walked around again looking at these graves and all these people who passed away and looked at the dates.  There were so many people who died in their teens, 20's, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s.  There were even some kids.  An 11 year old, that I remember dying when I was a kid.  My heart broke again.  Hard.  I think my heart broke the hardest when I got to the beginning.  There were two very little kids.  A 10 day old and a 15 day old.  I know the parents and I realized that so many of the people buried here were outlived by their parents.

This time, I did get that focus and was reminded about what's important without feeling that immense sense of loss that people feel when they lose someone they love. I didn’t think about losing people I love though. I thought the people who died and their loved ones and the many parents that lost a kid. I thought about what is going on in my life now and all the stuff people probably had going on in theirs when someone they loved died. I wasn’t there for a funeral and it was somehow more sad. 

Taher, everyone has got something going on.