After what seems like an eternity of studying a bit of recognition this weekend. This weekend is the beginning of the annual Actuarial (N.E.R.D) conference in sunny California. This will be my first conference and my induction into the society.
I have spent countless hours in what has been a blur of studying and test-aking over the last four and a half years. I have never put so much effort towards anything...and this weekend I'm getting recognized for being ALMOST done. I have been thinking, has it been worth it? Will it have been worth it to have given up a large part of my 20s to get a couple lousy letters after my name that only 5 non-actuaries worldwide will know the significance of (plus or minus 3 people).
There are so many other things I could have been doing during that time, namely spending with my family and Zahra and other things for which there is never ENOUGH time. Time I can never get back. So many other pursuits given up.
I am a firm believer in the philosophy 'use your time now doing what's important' and though I respect the 'work hard now to emjoy later' camp, I can't understand them and would not want to be one of them. But am I one of them? Why spend all this time and energy on this? I don't really know the answers to these questions and it has been bugging me...but for now, I think I will just enjoy this weekend.
wait, so it really is called the N.E.R.D. conference??
ReplyDeleteFor all intents and purposes it may as well be.
ReplyDeleteThis post is something I think about all the time as I too have spent much time and effort in becoming a doc and wonder sometimes if it was worth it. So many things I have missed and stressed over. But now that it is indeed over, and really it is (mostly, though I guess there are a few more years to go in WI) I am really happy that I am part of this doctor club. I am enjoying so much what I do now and anticipate what I will do. I am still inspired by so many people (like Mom) by what they can do now cause they did all the hard work and are what they are because of it. And work is work only when it's too much in quantity. Now that work will be less in quantity, I love it even more. Because now I do have time for everything. Another analogy of work leading to something really worthwhile and fun is having a kid. For example, currently I am sick sick sick and really no one likes that, but the goal even though it is still theoretical and in the future, is worth it. Even though the now is not necessarily ideal, I am still happy because the current sacrifice will give something even greater. As Aziz loves to say "It is the hard that makes it great!" (Even though as it is said occasionally I do roll my eyes. :) But don't tell him that!)
ReplyDeleteOk, enough rambling. Just wanted to say "I hear ya!" (I have WAY too much time on my hands right now. :) And am subsequently enjoying Zahra's virtual library.)