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Istafada is over. I’m on the way home and thinking about the past week. It’s not been that long, but I’m ready to go home and do more to learn more. 

My “cup” is full. It won’t get emptied so I can come back next year. It’ll get bigger. And then it’ll get filled again. This beautiful cycle will. 

I no longer feel frustrated when I hear something like aenda bayan awse inshallah. Rather, I feel excited. 

I’m leaving knowing that the truth is not somewhere in the distance. It never was. I’m searching for it and know where to look. 

Taher, the search is the point. 

Speed

Thamakun si. There’s a lot of meaning to these words that I’m realizing. 

Speed makes such a difference. Such a difference here in Surat, such a difference in life, such a difference on earth. Sabr is the right speed. This means slow almost all the time. Not fast. 

Going fast is not an option anymore. Alhamdolillah. Going slow doesn’t have to be the default though. It can be a choice. You get where you’re going when you get there and you get what you get when you get there. 

Taher, do what you can do. Get there slowly. 

Smile

Something I learned a long time ago is at the forefront of my mind. “Hasto chero mohabat nu jaal che” or a smiling face is love’s web. 

This means a lot. Love is a trap. 

A genuine smile is more than moving some muscles in your face though. A smile is borne from the soul and borne from love. It just manifests on your face sometimes. 

Taher, it only takes one thing. A person may share something or go through something. It might be appropriate to say something. It might not. It may be appropriate to smile with your face. It usually is. Sometimes it may not be though. It is always appropriate to smile with your soul.  

The other person will “see”. Trust. One hundred percent they will. 

Perhaps trap isn’t the right word. You want to get stuck in this.  

Taher, smile more. 

More

I love istafada for so many reasons. I learn and I gain an impression (asar) throughout. What amazes me is that so does everyone else. 

It doesn’t matter who it is. I sat next to a khidmat guzar who does khidmat full time. He left day one with a similar asar. On my other side, there was an old guy who was maybe 75. He seemed to get the same. 

We’re all different places. I get that both rationally and subconsciously. 

I always knew there were layers. I’m learning more than ever. What is very apparent for me this year is that if you do more you learn more. And if you learn more you do more. It’s a beautiful cycle. 

I’m also realizing that this doesn’t necessarily happen at the same time. 

Taher, do more now and you’ll learn more at some point. 

Meant to

Another istafada I’m really looking forward to. I love the idea of so many adults gathering to learn. 

I got to watch another of my favorite movies in the plane on the way. There was another gem I didn’t really catch before. One character says to another, “We are meant to do what we are meant to do”. 

This primes my brain to accept more easily what I’m about to learn. The quote deals with choice and fate. It’s not posed as an either or. Both coexist. It’s not circular. It doesn’t have to make sense to me. 

Part of the deal with sabaq and more generally in life - you get what you get. Samjo tho samjo, na samjo tho na samjo. The more I learn, the more wisdom I see in moula’s words. 

I don’t know how to square the movie quote. It doesn’t matter though. 

Taher, keep your mind open and do it. You’re meant to. It’s your choice and it’s your naseeb.

Buzurgo

Yesterday, we finally had some older folks over.  These folks are a decent amount older.  They're peers and friends of my parents.  I'd been mulling it over for a while and we finally made it happen.  We see them a lot at masjid, but hardly ever in social situations.

It started out as I wanna do this for our parents.  I just want to have them hang out with their friends and we'll provide some food, chai, and a comfortable place to hangout.  I like these elders and I have more than 10 second conversations with them at masjid.

It was just what I was hoping for.  My parents and their friends hung out and reminisced about the many experiences they'd had together for many years.  That warmed my heart.

It was more though.  I was thinking about the one couple in particular.  Throughout my childhood I was probably over at their house hundreds of times.  I remember doing something dumb at their house and needing stitches.  I didn't give it a thought until just now, but I probably made a bloody mess at their house and basically forcing an impromptu sleepover.  I didn't even realize it, but I probably ruined whatever he had planned for Saturday.  

I'm a parent and I wouldn't be too put out if I had to take care of one of Yusuf's or Nooriya's friends in the same way.  I'm in this odd stage of parenting though where sometimes I'm Yusuf and Nooriya's dad.  That's going to be the case more and it's going to take some getting used to.  For a long time, they were almost exclusively Taher and Zahra's kids.

This was the first time these older folks came to our house.  This get together crossed a threshold.  Zahra and I were no longer our parents kids only to them.  We'll always be that and I will always be happy about that.  We seemed to be something else now.  Not their peers, but also not just their friend's kids.

I'm so lucky that Zahra is who she is.  She had this way of engaging with them that really solidified this transition.  The get together wasn't for us, but at the same time it was great for us.  It made us feel good.  I look forward to when our friends don't just see Yusuf and Nooriya as Taher and Zahra's kids.

Taher, do the thing that benefits someone else.  It will likely benefit you as well and you just don't see it yet.

Don't Hesitate

I read this awesome poem.  Don't hesitate was my main takeaway.  Joy is all around us.  Not just on vacation.

The other day I was at a friends house and some kids were playing and laughing with pure joy.  I was listening and felt like I was eavesdropping.  That's stupid; it's not.  I thought about this poem at that moment.  It's up to me to recognize it and accept it.  It was awesome.  I should feel joy or at least a fraction of what these kids were probably feeling.

Here's that poem

"If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb."

Taher, don't hesitate.

Walk

Forgiveness is something to think about for me.  It registers for me as a conscious thought, but it's harder when there's emotion involved.  I want to remember what Moula teaches us.  Just forgive.   Sometimes it's hard, but it's always for us.

A wise person said there's some evil in the best of us and some good in the worst of us.  All humans have good in common.  Think about that.

Something I've been reading that I want to write down is how bad our phones can be for us.  They distract us from real life around us.  Importantly, it distracts us from the awe around us.

A passage from the book about lack of awe leading to anxiety really caught my attention.  An experiment had people take a screen free walk once a day.  One of the participants wrote, "Experience of beauty made me more generous and present.  Thoughts of the past seemed dull and to worry about the future felt unnecessary."

Taher, put down the phone.  Take a walk and think.