Memories

I am on vacation again. Alhamdolillah. I saw one of my favorite movies again first thing. It immediately put me in the right headspace. 

It has a line I must have missed the first many times. “Now, we're just here to be memories for our kids.”

This vacation is to make more memories. Mostly good ones I hope. The right memories too. The ones about spending time together and doing things that don’t necessarily cost money and don’t only happen on vacation. Sometimes that means deeni memories. 

It’s day 0.25 and already there are some great memories. I did namaz when it was inconvenient not just for me, but for them to see too. 

Yusuf’s 1st meal in was a memory that makes me so proud. He was super hungry with a plate of food in front of him and decided to go 10 minutes back to the room to get his topi even after I told him it was ok and he should bring it next time. 

Zahra is setting a great example for Nooriya wearing rida everywhere and living her life. The chef saw us and told us what was halal and importantly what has questionable ingredients we should stay away from.  Nooriya chose her outfits and they’re all rida. We’re on a boat with no one we know. She could “take a break”, but she’s not. She’s choosing rida when so many on this boat chose a lot less modestly. I’m so proud of them both. 

I’m so proud of all three. 

Taher, when you do something or anything think to yourself, “will you be proud of the kind of memory is this going to be.”

Easy

Forgiveness is hard.  It's easier to write someone off or some group off.  They did this or that unforgivable thing.  They may have done something big like stealing or something small like interrupting.  They said something mean.  They did something mean.  They even did it on purpose.  

So what?

The easy thing to do is not forgive and remember.  Perhaps it might be easier to write them off.  And perhaps even cast them out.  Maybe they are repeat offenders and the easy thing to do is think, "this is the last straw". 

Moula teaches us that forgiveness is the thing to do.  His response to the worst transgression imaginable was to say my father taught me to forgive.  Pacha laywe.  Me gala lagiwees. This is powerful.  His response is basically bring him here and I'll give him a hug.  What?!

Taher, don't do the easy thing.  Forgive and forget.  It's for you.  Follow Moula's example.

Give

Khuda gives us 40 and we give 1 back to him.  Khuda can do literally anything.  Why didn't we just get 39?

There's a lot to this 1 of 40.  The numbers aren't really that important.  We can count it up and put it in different buckets and get to some other numbers.   An important part is the giving is up to us.  We get to choose to give just like we get to choose to do namaz or any other good thing.

Giving isn't just money.  It's trust.  It's love.  It's happiness.  It's opportunity.  It's kindness.

Money does seem like the hardest to give.  It gets easier to give money the more you do it.  It's hard every time though.  Giving is easier when we internalize that money isn't ours to begin with.  Khuda gives it to us.

The thing is that giving to good things always comes back to the giver.  It's hardest with money because it's not necessarily a straight line or even observable, but it always does come back.

Taher, giving money is hard.  Do it.  It will come back to you.

Abundance

Two focuses things this Ramadan.  Lots of time after fajr :)

I also want to focus on abundance.  It's plenty adjacent.  There's a concept that we have an "abundance set point".  It's pretty cool.  It's our brain realizing what is enough.  We get to establish that baseline.  If we can get there, we have a good chance of being happy.

What's really cool is that we can shift this point in our mind.  A positive mind-set inherently believes there's plenty to go around and lowers this "set point".  It's not a coincidence that optimists are happier and live longer.  With this mindset, experiences are fuller and opportunities are perceived differently.  Not much is truly in our control, but this is.

An abundance mind set is more than just being optimistic, though that's certainly part of it.  It is believing that there is enough for everyone and helping others to see that.  It is understanding that there's endless opportunities.  Let rozu remind you that khuda is capable of giving you and everyone endless rewards.

Taher, you are at this abundance point now.  Just get your brain to catch up by helping others see that too.

Plenty

Every year in Ramadan I try to focus on one thing. This year it’s abundance.  Roza will help remind me that I have a lot.  Having a lot isn't bad, but having too much is.

I think this is an economics idea at it's root.  The idea is called the Paradox of Plenty.  It's basically when a country with a lot of resources has a worse economic outcome than those countries with few resources.  The basic idea is that a country with a lot doesn't develop organically and this is referred to as the "resource curse".  

The idea of Paradox of Plenty seems to apply much more broadly.  It is the restlessness that comes with too much choice.  It creates the illusion of control.  It seems logical that the more we have and can decide would translate into more empowerment and more control of our environment.  That's not right.  Stuff happens, both good and bad, and you can't control it. Stoicism ties in here I think.  A tenet of stoicism is understanding that things around you will happen and they're supposed to.  You control your mind and nothing else.

Taher, be content without plenty.  Being content isn't settling for less.  Rather it's realizing what you have.

Door

I've been working for a while now and it amazes me now that sometimes the value I bring is just being there.  It's nice to be valued, but it still seems strange.  I've had a colleague who liked to say, "Change is inevitable.  Progress is optional".  This value from little other than experience is a change.  It's progress.

I've been a parent for a while now too.  I don't always feel valued by the kids:)  It might come later, but it's not really important.  Things are definitely changing though.  I think we've all heard something like when one door closes a window opens or some annoying bright-side-of-every-situation-type phrase.

Things are changing.  The kids are changing.  Not all at once, but they've entered this new stage.  They're older.  Nooriya is learning to drive.  I get to teach her:)  She's so excited.  It's wonderful.  My value is simply being the passenger.  I don't really do anything.  Last night Yusuf went out to a friend's house after Zahra and I went to bed.  My value will be to simply be here and listen to him tell me about something from his night.

Tonight Zahra and I are going out and the kids have their own separate plans.  It's not the first time, but things are definitely changing.  It's becoming more normal.  Another door is closing...

Taher, things are changing.  They will change again.  Taher, choose progress.

High School

I went back to my high school to see Nooriya’s gymnastics meet. It has been 25 years since I was in that building. A lot is different there, but it still brought back a lot of memories. There is stuff I remember that I didn’t even realize I remember. 

I don’t remember high school as the best time. Actually, thinking of high school as being the best time of your life is kinda sad.  It was complicated like I’m guessing it is for everyone. I wasn’t the sports guy. I wasn’t the smartest usually. I wasn’t the most popular or the most talented either. 

Somehow I was nice to people most of the time and that worked really well. I definitely didn’t have it figured out. I couldn’t articulate it. I wasn’t just kinda lucky that I was nice to people. 

Until today I didn’t really realize that I was nice and kind then and that was the reason high school was as good as it was. I can articulate it now. Being nice and kind works at this age and I’m glad I can articulate it now and strive for it. 

Taher, be nice and kind. It will probably still work in 25 years. 

Small

Life can be rough.  Duniya kind of stinks.  Stuff happens all the time that sucks.  It is easy to focus on that.

Everyday, though, there are all these little moments of joy or happiness.  These moments of beauty are everywhere.  They happen all the time and many are just too small or too mundane to appreciate.  Why not appreciate them?  Things like a person smiling at you, a friendly hello, someone making space so you can change lanes, or someone holding the door.

This small stuff happens everyday.

This makes me think of the riwayat of rasulallah asking people he was with to gather fire wood in the desert.  They all didn't think there was enough, but it piled up when people accumulated the small amounts.

There's small amounts of happiness everywhere and everyday.  We can pile it up.

Taher, notice the small.  Taher, do those small things.  Someone else may pile those up.